


Sugar Plums

by ayveehearts



Category: LazyTown
Genre: Emotional Baggage, Fae Magic, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Past Abuse, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-12-14
Updated: 2018-03-12
Packaged: 2018-09-08 13:27:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 10
Words: 21,510
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8846836
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ayveehearts/pseuds/ayveehearts
Summary: The fact that Robbie Rotten flinches away when Sportacus approaches too fast brings up questions of exactly how good the previous heroes of Lazytown really were.





	1. he's a wounded animal, he lives in a matchbox

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! This is my first foray into LazyTown fanfic so if I haven't quite nailed the characters yet that's... probably why.  
> I've just spent a lot of time thinking about all the evidence that Number Nine (which is all I'll be calling him in this fic, potentially until I find a suitable name) was not a good person at all. So this is basically that! I hope you like it.  
> The Sportarobbie's not gonna be sexual, the main focus will be healing rather than anything else. I'll be adding tags and the like as I go - I don't want to overload the work with tags that may not even come into play.
> 
> I'm hoping to update this once a week. If I don't, push me in a bin. My hiatuses can become ridiculous.
> 
> If I've made any major errors with spelling or anything, please let me know! I'm happy to edit.

The autumn air in the street was clean and crisp, smelling faintly of spices and apples. Leaves whirled around and around the gutters in the wind, scraping harshly against the pavement. Robbie Rotten wrinkled his nose and huffed, jamming his sleeve below his nose for a moment just to smell something else. There was a faint scent of sugar. It was a great improvement.   
  
He was meandering aimlessly down Lazytown's main street, clad in his thickest, most powerful disguise. He'd packed it with as much magic as he'd been able to conjure up, recreating his whole body as far as he could manage. He either looked like an crotchety old woman or a grumpy businessman. It wasn't too much of a fuss either way.    
As much as he hated to admit it, Robbie did like to be outside on occasion. Only when it was quiet, but even with that addition it still felt like a betrayal of his character.   
Ever since he'd joined in on the town's inane dancing and singing they would all keep inviting him to things. Asking him to join in. He couldn't escape it. He'd missed them, missed their noise, but now he'd said that to their faces it felt like he'd just lost the plot entirely. He wasn't sure who he could be without being rotten. He wasn't going to be another sports candy loving minion of Sportaflop.    
  
He wished he hadn't put so much effort into the disguise. Considering the entirety of Lazytown seemed to be completely empty, it felt like wasted effort. He abruptly felt a chill down his spine at the emptiness, the burgeoning loneliness, but he pushed that away. They'd promised to at least leave a note if they went anywhere.   
  
The fact that that was reassurance wasn't particularly comforting.   
  
Robbie rolled his eyes when Sportacus vaulted a wall and started to jog towards him, a dopey, overenthusiastic smile on his face. His stupid hat bounced merrily in time with his steps. Robbie could almost hear the jingle of an imaginary bell tied to the end of it.   
  
Of course his disguise didn't fool everyone, despite all his wasted effort. That was just his luck.    
  
"Hello, Robbie! Great day for a walk, isn't it?" Sportacus said. As usual, his absurd amount of energy spilled out of him in waves. Standing next to him was like standing next to humming electricity. Effervescent. Incredibly agitating.    
  
"Every day when you're around is terrible," Robbie grumbled, consciously straightening out his posture.   
Sportacus always seemed to tower over him even though his stature was far shorter. He just had so much effortless presence, presence Robbie had to constantly force himself to project. It was a constant source of infuriation. Robbie had never been good at intimidating Sportacus, and he likely never would be. It didn't mean he wasn't going to try.   
  
Try very, very hard.   
  
Sportacus face fell, his brows knitting together. "I thought you said you wanted to be friends."   
  
Robbie raised a brow. "Haven't you got somewhere to be flipping to, Sportaflop?"    
  
Sportacus was silent for a long moment, staring unblinkingly at Robbie. Robbie broke eye contact almost immediately, staring pointedly past Sportacus' shoulder.   
  
"I'm thinking I don't ask this enough. Are you alright, Robbie?" Sportacus asked. He reached out as if to put a hand on Robbie's shoulder, but stopped at the last moment and pulled his hand away. Robbie exhaled a shaky breath he didn't know he was holding.   
  
"It's none of your business," Robbie said, folding his arms.   
  
Sportacus was silent for a moment, his eyes downcast. "I was just going for a run," he said slowly, glancing back up with a smile that was clearly hiding hurt. "Did you want to join me? A jog always makes me feel better. We can even just walk if you want."   
  
Leave it to the sports elf to be so exercise obsessed he didn't know how to leave well enough alone. He shouldn't have even been surprised.   
  
"You should go run somewhere else," Robbie snapped.    
  
Sportacus's face fell. Robbie almost felt like he'd kicked a puppy, but he shook his head even at the thought. "Well, what do you want to do? We could -"   
  
"What I want to do," Robbie began, "is eat cake and sleep for a week. Without any noisy sports elves to disturb me."    
  
Sportacus laughed drily. "Is there anything else you want to do?"    
  
"Make you leave and not come back."   
  
"That's not a very good group activity."   
  
Robbie huffed out a laugh before he could stop himself. He stifled it with a hand, looking from side to side to make sure no one else had heard him. Sportacus' eyes almost shone, brightening with mirth.    
  
"Was that a smile?" Sportacus said.   
  
"It wasn't."   
  
"I think it was."   
  
Sportacus' expression had an almost smug edge to it, his eyes gleaming with mirth. He was clearly delighting in making Robbie look like a fool. That was just perfect. Add another humiliation to the pile.   
  
Robbie's expression darkened. "No, it wasn't. If you'll excuse me, Sportaloop, I'm busy."   
  
He made to move away, but Sportacus stood in front of him, eyes wide. Robbie didn't like his chances of outrunning him.   
  
"Robbie -"   
  
"What?" Robbie snapped. He tried to push past Sportacus but he refused to be moved. "What do you want?"   
  
"Did I do something to upset you?" Sportacus asked. "You're acting very strange. You can tell me what's wrong."   
  
Robbie growled with frustration. "You superheroes are never happier than when you're tormenting me, are you?"   
  
Robbie had expected more of the kicked puppy look, or perhaps for Sportacus to get annoyed and backflip away. He hadn't planned on Sportacus going pale, his brow creasing with worry.    
  
"What is that meant to mean?" he asked.   
  
Robbie huffed. "You know exactly what I mean!"   
  
Sportacus moved closer tentatively. Like he was trying to calm a spooked animal. It made Robbie feel even smaller.   
  
"No, I don't," he said, his voice quiet. Soft. It was so strange to hear him quiet and calm that it didn't help a bit.   
  
"Leave me alone," Robbie said dully.   
  
"I'm not going until you tell me what that was meant to mean!"   
  
"You mean to tell me you don't know?"   
  
"What don't I know?"   
  
"Oh, just go away, you irritating blue elf," Robbie sneered, "It's none of your business."   
  
Robbie pushed against Sportacus' shoulders to try and shove him back. Sportacus didn't even sway.   
  
"Robbie -"   
  
"I won't hear it!"   
  
"Robbie!" Sportacus said, his voice raising above its usual quiet volume in irritation. He took another step closer.   
  
Robbie flinched away, his throat constricting. He immediately kicked himself for it as a horrified expression overtook Sportacus' face. Robbie straightened out his posture again, not sure exactly when his shoulders had slumped. He cleared his throat, trying for a nervous grin.   
  
"I - Robbie, I wouldn't hurt -" he said, his voice pained. "Is that what you thought I was going to do?"   
  
"What do you care?"   
  
"I like to help people. But I can't help if I don't know what's wrong."   
  
"Go do something important with your time and leave me alone."   
  
"This is impor-"   
  
"Go."   
  
"You -" Sportacus started.   
  
Robbie extended his arm, pointing as far away from himself as he could manage. He barely managed to keep his voice from wavering. "Go."   
  
Sportacus opened his mouth to try and say more but he snapped it shut, huffing out a breath through his nose.   
  
"Bye, Robbie," Sportacus said.   
  
Sportacus turned and  left slowly, doing nothing more than a light jog.    
He kept glancing back at Robbie, blue eyes hurt. He was obviously waiting for Robbie to call him back. Robbie folded his arms and gave Sportacus a pointed look, ignoring the loud thud of his heartbeat.   
  
Sportacus eventually rounded a corner and disappeared. Robbie almost doubled over, arms wrapped around his chest. He felt ill and off balance. It was emotion he'd never let get so out of hand. Altogether unpleasant.   
  
"I think I need a slice of cake," Robbie grumbled to himself, taking off back to his lair at a slow pace, "or ten."   
  
  


* * *

  
"Mayor Meanswell, may I speak with you?"   
  
Mayor Meanswell jumped and stopped clipping his hedge, blinking blankly up at Sportacus for a moment before recognition set in."Oh! Of course, Sportacus. What seems to be the trouble?"   
  
"Well," Sportacus started, unsure of exactly how to phrase his question. "I was wondering what the other superheroes were like when they were here. The ones who used to help Lazytown."   
  
"Hm. The only one I was around for was Number Nine - if you wanted to know about the others, you'd have to send a letter to one of the old mayors," Mayor Meanswell said, then paused for a moment. "Didn't you know the other superheroes, Sportacus?"   
  
"I knew them, but we didn't get to meet up much. Too many crystals going off all at once."   
  
"That must have been very tiring!"   
  
Sportacus nodded. "It was."   
  
The few get-togethers that they'd managed to organise had been a mess to say the least. Eventually they had all decided to just contact each other by letter and not bother with gatherings. Sportacus hadn't received any for a while. Sometimes he wondered if the others were still around at all.   
  
"Well, to answer your question, Number Nine was a great man! The only trouble when he was around was children not always wanting to play outside. But when he helped them all learn like you're doing, he went off to find another town to help." Mayor Meanswell hummed, tapping his chin with a finger. "I wonder if he found one."   
  
"Not even Robbie caused trouble?"   
  
Mayor Meanswell's eyebrows raised. "Robbie? Robbie Rotten... Hm. I think he did cause trouble for a bit, but I don't really remember. Number Nine put a stop to his tricks quickly. I thought Robbie had left town, but only six months or so after Nine left he reappeared again. Lazier than ever!"   
  
Sportacus felt a distinct discomfort at the very idea that Robbie would just stop. No matter how many times Sportacus had ruined his plans, he had never stopped.    
  
The word 'torment' bounced around and around the inside of his skull.   
  
"Robbie just disappeared?" Sportacus said.   
  
"Oh, we'd see him occasionally, but never often enough to be a cause for worry." Mayor Meanswell said. "Why do you ask?"   
  
Sportacus swallowed down his own discomfort at half lying, steeling himself. "I was just curious. No reason."   
  
"Alright. You can always borrow a Lazytown history book from the library if you want to know more! I'm sure they have better answers than I can give you."   
  
"No, you've been very helpful. Thank you Mayor!"    
  
Mayor Meanswell beamed. "It was no trouble at all, Sportacus."   
  
Sportacus waved politely and took off at a sprint, wanting to flip and vault but unable to work up the motivation while he was so deep in thought. The children would probably tell him he was being extremely weird if they weren't all holed up in Pixel's house watching movies. He was glad they were safe. He needed time to think.   
  
Robbie may have just been exaggerating when he'd said what he did. It was possible that it was just dramatics designed to get him to leave. But Sportacus had been in enough rough towns to know that people didn't flinch away for no reason. It was the same as constant apologising, or a fear of loud noises. It came from something else. A tip of the iceberg.   
  
Sportacus had barely known Nine, not really. The other elves who had taken numbers and duties had been older and wiser than him, and weren't exactly open to new arrivals. The most he knew about Nine had been that his favourite drink was lemon and honey tea, and that, as far as Sportacus knew, he was good with children.    
  
One thing he wished he didn't know now was that Nine had done something to Robbie. At least that was as far as he'd figured out.   
  
Sportacus came out of his thoughts and found himself at the cow billboard hiding Robbie's house. He hesitated for a moment before pulling the concealed door open, snapping it shut behind him.   
  
"Robbie?" Sportacus called, knocking hard on the metal silo that led down to Robbie's home. It vibrated and shook with the strength of his knocks and Sportacus stopped, wincing. There was no way Robbie hadn't heard that.   
  
"I'm not home," a distinctly irritated voice called from down the pipe. "Call back later."   
  
Sportacus sighed heavily. "I wanted to speak to you."   
  
"I wasn't under the impression there was anything to talk about, Sportakook."   
  
"It's about what you said earlier," Sportacus said hesitantly.   
  
Robbie was quiet for a long time, as if he was considering whether or not it was worth it to answer. "The part when I told you to go away?"   
  
"No. Something else. Can I come down?"   
  
"You could tear the door clean off with those arms of yours."   
  
Sportacus laughed, only stopping when he heard the exasperated groan from inside the silo. He cleared his throat. "I want to have your permission."   
  
"Well, wish denied. I'm in the middle of a nap."   
  
"You can't be speaking to me while you're sleeping, Robbie."   
  
"I'm trying very hard at it."   
  
Sportacus tried not to laugh again. He had a plan. "I just want to speak with you."   
  
"I'd prefer not to talk, Sportaflop. I'm busy," Robbie said snidely, "You're ruining my beauty sleep." Sportacus knew when Robbie was trying to make a conversation go in loops. He floundered for a moment trying to figure out what to say.

"I wanted to talk to you about what it was like before I came here," Sportacus blurted out.   
  
Robbie was silent again for a few moments. Sportacus held his breath.   
  
"I'll put so much sugar in your food you won't wake up for a week if you don't go away."   
  
Sportacus jolted even at the threat. "But -"   
  
Sportacus could feel Robbie's irritation even through metres of metal and concrete. "Oh, did you want some sugar? I'm sure the town could use a few candy apple trees. Maybe some sugar carrots. Or -"   
  
Sportacus raised his hands in surrender even if he didn't know if Robbie could see them. "Alright, alright,  Robbie. I'm going."   
  
"Good. Stick that nose in someone else's business for a change."   
  
"Goodbye, Robbie," Sportacus said. It felt even more like he was just giving up than the first time.   
  
Robbie scoffed. "Good riddance."


	2. the apprehension to sleep is always the same

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I did not expect this fic to get so popular, not by a long shot! Thank you all for your feedback!  
> I already had chapter 2 half done when I published Chapter 1 - so you can have this. Chapter 3 will likely take a bit longer as I haven't planned it out fully yet. It may even end up being a flashback chapter! The world is full of surprises.  
> Apologies for how short these chapters are by the way, I think they'll get longer as I go. And, obviously, as Robbie learns to freakin' talk to people about his issues.
> 
> As always, I appreciate any and all comments and constructive feedback. Bless your hearts!

He couldn't sleep.

Sportacus stared up at the ceiling of his airship, tapping on the hard edges of his bedframe to give himself something to listen to other than the faint whistling of the wind. He'd tried everything to get himself to sleep, and none of his usual ideas worked out. He'd tried aerobics, but they'd only made it even harder to sleep or concentrate. He'd tried drinking warm lemon and honey tea and he'd been so distracted he'd near scalded his tongue with it. Whatever he tried, he wasn't sleeping.

He glanced over at the clock on his wall and frowned when he saw it was 9 pm. He'd normally be out like a light by 8:08, but he couldn't turn his mind off.

He was supposed to be able to help people. The idea that he couldn't, or that the person didn't want help, just made his head hurt. He'd never been good with letting people down. As much as he told people he was fearless, the fact that there may be times he couldn't make it made energy run out of him far worse than any sugar crash. It felt as if he was hurting them himself, even though he knew that wasn't true. He always did everything he could. But even knowing that wasn't enough sometimes.

It definitely wasn't enough now.

He'd never even thought about what life might have been like in Lazytown before he'd arrived. It had been run down when he'd been called down, and it wasn't that way now. Sportacus had thought that would be all he'd have to think about. It clearly wasn't.

He'd have to think about what exactly had happened to Robbie.

Sportacus jumped when he heard the buzz of his crystal from the compartment he'd set it in before going to bed, his brow furrowing. He tugged the covers off himself.

"Trouble this late?" he said, pressing the button to eject the compartment.

The moment he touched his stone he could feel nothing but blind panic and terror, worse than anything he'd felt in a long time. He grit his teeth and breathed through it, trying not to lose his nerve.

A faint image of Robbie Rotten manifested in his mind's eye for a moment before dissipating.

Sportacus went pale, jumping upright. He didn't bother to change into his proper outfit, just threw on his hat, bracer and crystal without even thinking. A tank top and sweat pants would have to do.

"Ladder!" he shouted, leaping to catch the first rung before it had even fully unfolded. His ship's computer immediately chastised him in its even tone for being so reckless but he barely heard it. He started climbing down.

* * *

Even metres away from the billboard Sportacus could hear whines and sobs of distress that made his head and heart hurt. He threw the hidden door open and the metal lid to Robbie's home quickly followed suit. He wasn't in the right frame of mind to ask permission. He doubted Robbie was either.

His crystal's whining was so loud it seemed to drown out everything else, white-hot terror flooding Sportacus' head when his hand brushed against it. He nearly lost his grip on the ladder but he managed to keep one arm attached, hauling the rest of himself back without too much difficulty.

When Sportacus reached the end of the ladder he jumped down,  landing quietly on his feet. His crystal quietened slightly before flaring up again, even louder. It was vibrating like it was trying to escape him.

Robbie was curled up on his chair, limbs tangled up with each other. He was shaking like a leaf, whimpers and groans coming constantly from his lips. He didn't move an inch other than his shaking, and Sportacus was glad he wouldn't have to deal with any flailing limbs.

"Robbie!" Sportacus said, glad he wasn't hurt. He took a few steps forward.

Robbie threw his forearms across his face defensively and shrieked, pressing himself back into his armchair like he could meld with the orange fur. 

"Don't, don't, please -" he choked out. He was so tense and trembling so hard that Sportacus could hear his joints crack periodically like snapped twigs.

He was stuck in a nightmare.

Sportacus winced, reaching out to put a reassuring hand on Robbie's shoulder. He stopped almost immediately, retracting his hand and cursing how easily he slipped into what he'd do for the kids after nightmares. This was something else entirely. Touching Robbie would only make things worse.  
  
"Robbie, it's me, Sportacus," he said softly, trying to keep his voice calm and slow. His crystal whined quietly.

"Please," Robbie repeated. "Please don't -"  
  
"You're in your home, safe," Sportacus continued, "Breathe. Shhhh."

Robbie's breathing evened out a little. Sportacus took that in his stride.

"Please..."

"You're alright, Robbie. I'm here to help," Sportacus cooed in a tone he hoped was comforting. He kept talking even as Robbie shook and cried out, trying not to let himself panic. Emotional trouble had never been his strong suit, but if he wasn't going to help he doubted anyone else would know to.

When Robbie finally lowered his arms Sportacus could see tear-tracks running down his face, his eyes glassy and puffy. He seemed to stare through Sportacus even when he met his gaze.

"Sportacus," Robbie said flatly, blinking at Sportacus like he'd never seen him before.  
  
Sportacus struggled for several moments to find anything to say, staring down at the faux fur covering Robbie's armchair like it could provide answers.  
"Are you alright, Robbie?" he said lamely. He immediately wished he'd gone with something else. Anything else.  
  
Robbie wheezed out something that might have been intended as a laugh. It sounded more like a noise of pain. "Y - yes. Completely fine, Sportaloop. Never better."  
  
Robbie descended into a coughing fit moments after he finished speaking, half sobs tangled up with wheezing, short breaths. Sportacus hovered over him, unsure of what to do. He wasn't sure if he could take it if he saw Robbie flinch away again.  
  
"Can I touch you?" Sportacus blurted out.  
  
Robbie's posture changed almost imperceptibly, becoming more inward. Defensive. He took in a deep shaky breath, clearly preparing himself to speak. "Why?"  
  
"The children - when they have a nightmare, they feel better if someone helps them," Sportacus explained. He held his breath, preparing himself for a 'no'.  
  
"Fine," Robbie said wetly, "But - take off those bracers and that... that stupid hat."

Sportacus immediately tugged them off, placing them down beside Robbie's chair.

"How long has this been going on?" Sportacus said quietly.

"Doesn't matter."

"It does! I want to help you, Robbie. I can't help you if I don't know what's going on."

Robbie huffed, folding his arms.

Sportacus gently settled his hand in Robbie's hair, not making any effort to move it. Robbie didn't flinch away. He just kept breathing heavily, his tremors slowly calming down.  
  
Robbie grumbled quietly at Sportacus the moment he was calm enough to, an incredulous expression on his face. "Petting my hair? I'm not one of those brats, you know."  
  
Sportacus shrugged. "I know."  
  
Robbie sat in glum silence, tapping his foot against the ground. Sportacus waited for him to speak for what must have been at least a minute, but Robbie didn't even open his mouth.  
  
"I'm not going to make you talk to me," Sportacus said, "but you need to talk to someone about this."  
  
The look Robbie gave Sportacus could only be described as withering. "About what, Sportakook?  
  
"I though I just startled you before." Sportacus swallowed the lump in his throat. "When I would come towards you quickly. But now I can't think it's anything like that."  
  
A hint of Robbie's mischievousness was back in his eyes as he raised a brow at Sportacus. "And what is it you think it is, sports elf?"  
  
Sportacus took in a slow breath, closing his eyes for a moment to steel himself. He knew he had to say it at some point, no matter how much it hurt. He just didn't want Robbie to end up panicking again.  
  
"It was Number Nine, wasn't it? The one who - who was here before me."  
  
"I don't know what you mean," Robbie said almost automatically.  
  
Sportacus' face twisted in confusion. "What -"  
  
Robbie's expression was confused and closed. "He wouldn't do anything like that."

"What? But..."

Sportacus looked into Robbie's eyes, really looked, and saw the faint dullness that resulted from being compelled. Glamoured. 

Underneath that there was fear. Deeply ingrained fear that filled Sportacus with fury.  
  
Sportacus hadn't had to break a compulsion in a long time. He'd hoped he never would have had to again. He was an elf, he was capable of having others do exactly as he wanted, but it only left a bitter taste in his mouth. The idea of making humans do anything by forcing them to was foul. He'd always been a teacher. Compulsion only taught people to obey without asking questions.  
  
Sportacus dreaded to think of what else Nine had done. Even to the children.  
  
"Hang on," Sportacus murmured.  
  
Sportacus closed his eyes, finding the invisible webs the glamour had weaved around Robbie. They were thick as old spiderwebs, clinging tightly to Robbie's mind like glue. Sportacus tugged at them gently, testing their strength.  They quickly melted away, disintegrating into nothing more than tiny shards of magic. Their age must have made them weak. Sportacus was glad he didn't have to work harder for it. Just seeing the threads of magic covering Robbie had made him feel sicker.  
  
When Sportacus slowly opened his eyes he was greeted by Robbie's face, eyes distant and wet. His hands were shaking.

"Thank you," Robbie choked out.  
  
"That's alright. I'm happy to help you, Robbie."  
  
"You can go," Robbie said weakly.  
  
Sportacus sighed, straightening up. "I'm going to get you something to drink."  
  
"You can go," Robbie repeated more forcefully.

"I'm not leaving until you're safe and asleep. No nightmares."

Robbie gave no further complaint, just tucked his chin to his chest and shut his eyes.

Sportacus glanced around the room, trying to ignore the fact that his crystal was still buzzing and glowing. He hadn't solved the problem. He couldn't leave until he did.

Robbie's home was filled with machinery and clutter so thick Sportacus couldn't tell what anything was, let alone whether anything was edible.

"The fridge is over there," Robbie grumbled, pointing vaguely towards the left wall. He didn't move other than that.

"Thanks, Robbie."

"Any time, Sportaflop."

Sportacus found what looked to be a high-tech, lever covered metal cupboard and tugged it open, a wash of cool air making him shiver.  He looked in horror at the assortment of items in Robbie's fridge - lemonade, chocolate, cake... A bottle of milk was just about the only thing Sportacus would be able to have without crashing. He wasn't sure how Robbie lived on the stuff in front of him. It seemed absurd to even think about.

"Don't you have tea or juice or something?" Sportacus said, glancing back at Robbie with a distressed expression.

Robbie laughed, cracking his eyes open. "Is that what you drink up in that flying football thing of yours? No. Coffee."

Sportacus grabbed the milk out. At least that was a start. "Coffee's not going to get you to sleep."

"I'm not in the mood to sleep," Robbie said sullenly. He rubbed tears off his face with one clumsy hand.

"You'll feel better if you do."

"Next you'll be telling me to throw a football until I'm bored into slumber."

Sportacus kept himself from giggling, trying to look stern. "Football is exciting. It wouldn't help you sleep."

"Whatever you say. And if you're just going to look sad while holding a bottle of milk, maybe consider getting out the chocolate. If you're so intent on getting me to sleep, try a hot chocolate."

Sportacus frowned. "But there's so much sugar in -"

Robbie groaned exasperatedly. "Then just warm the milk."

Sportacus found what appeared to be a microwave and, with Robbie's impatient guidance, managed to find a chipped purple mug hidden behind a stack of paper. He poured milk into it, adding a pinch of cinnamon.

The silence between them was companionable and nice. Sportacus' crystal still glowed but only dimly, the buzz soft and faint. He'd almost solved the problem.

He'd been wanting to spend more time with Robbie for a while. He wished it didn't have to be in such unfortunate circumstances.

The microwave dinged and Sportacus took the mug out, wincing at the heat. He closed his eyes and concentrated, making a thin barrier of cooling magic around his hands. Much better.

He stirred it quickly with a teaspoon, making sure all the cinnamon was mixed in.

"How did you take it away?" Robbie asked abruptly.

Sportacus froze, dropping the spoon in the mug with a clink. "The... glamour? I'm an elf. We can do that."

"I have magic. I never could," Robbie said, his voice cracking.

"You have magic?" Sportacus asked. He took the teaspoon out of the mug and picked it up, taking it over to Robbie. "I thought you used machines."

Robbie took the mug in one hand, taking a swig. It was still steaming hot but Robbie didn't even flinch. "How do you think I move around the town so fast, Sportaflop? Running?"

Sportacus crouched down beside the chair. "Secret passages?"

"Half faerie," Robbie said flippantly. "There you go, now you know. Don't you dare tell anyone. Ever."

"I'm good at keeping secrets."

"Good," Robbie said, letting out a quiet yawn. He drained half the mug with another gulp.  "Because I'd pop your airship if you told."

Robbie's eyes were dull and tired, fear buried under a thin veil. Sportacus had never seen him look like that. It felt like looking at a different person.

Sportacus sighed softly. "He... what did he do to you?" he said, half to himself and half to  Robbie.

Robbie'd grip tightened on the mug. "Now is not the time for that if you want me to get to sleep."

"Sorry," Sportacus said.

Robbie raised a brow at him. "I'm sure that big sporty elf brain of yours can figure it out anyway, unless it's too full of exercise."

Sportacus wanted to tell Robbie that he wanted to hear what had happened, wanted to help him and fix everything, but he didn't think it was the right thing to say. At least not now.

"Do you still want me to go?" Sportacus asked quietly.

"...Yes," Robbie said. "I think I'll sleep."

"You think?"

"I'm usually right."

"If you need anything, just send me a letter. I'll come down."

Robbie drained the last bit of milk from the mug and set it down on the table next to his chair. His eyes were half shut. "Of course."

Sportacus was almost entirely certain that was a no, but he still gave Robbie a thumbs up and a grin he was sure looked fake. It would have to do.

* * *

_"Who are you?"_

_"Number Nine. Or Agnarr, whichever you'd prefer to call me. What seems to be the trouble?"_

_"Well, you see -"_


	3. do you hold their lives from a string?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a shorter chapter! It's also a flashback - I just want to keep these fairly spaced out, and not infodump.  
> There will be another update as soon as I'm able! Which will be longer and set in the present.
> 
> There's uh... some real unfortunate stuff in this chapter. Fair warning.

Robbie decided very quickly that he didn't like Number Nine.  
  
It was something about his expression, the way he moved, it was all absurdly irritating. He was so openly elven, every edge of him so perfectly put together it made Robbie want to gag. His short black hair was never out of place even for a moment. His clothes were never wrinkled. He didn't even cover his _ears, t_ hough of course the children didn't notice.

He ruined everything Robbie had tried to create in Lazytown just by being there. The moment Agnarr had introduced himself to Robbie, all smiles and laughs, Robbie had had to try very hard not to slap his hand away.  
  
The first problem came when he messed up a basketball game by making a machine that constantly re-painted the lines in the wrong places. All the children had gotten frustrated and just left the game. Unfortunately Robbie hadn't accounted for there being a baseball field as well, but he'd at least ruined half their fun. It had wiped the smile off Agnarr's smug face, and that was enough for him. It felt good.  
  
A shadow abruptly appeared over Robbie, blocking out the bright sunlight that had been illuminating the beach chair he'd set up. He cracked an eye open.  
Robbie leaned back in his chair, adjusting his sunglasses to better block out Agnarr's furious expression."Hello, hero. What can I do for you?"  
  
"This is your first and last warning, Robbie," Agnarr said, his voice cold. "Don't try anything like that again."  
  
"And what kind of reward are you giving me for such a hard request?"  
  
"You shouldn't need incentive to not be a nuisance."  
  
"That's news to me."  
  
"It shouldn't be. Though I suppose you are just rotten to the core."  
  
Robbie spread his arms wide. "Guilty as charged."  
  
Agnarr raised a brow. His expression was dangerous, blue eyes icy. It sent a shiver down Robbie's spine. "You do like to run your mouth, don't you? Even though you're powerless."  
  
The way he spoke rung alarm bells in Robbie's head, but he ignored them. He wasn't going to be intimidated. He'd dealt with far worse opposition than some upstart hero. Being brought up with everyone knowing he was half fae was definitely on the top ten list.  
  
Robbie laughed and sipped on his milkshake, lazily waving a hand at Agnarr. "I have _power_ if I can make you this angry. I think I'm happy to keep being rotten."  
  
Agnarr's expression darkened. "Do you _really_ think you have power?"  
  
Robbie leaned forward. "I think I -"  
  
All of a sudden Robbie's throat burned like it was being scalded. He choked and just barely managed to spit out what was in his mouth before he gagged, throat constricting. It was like someone had clamped a hand around the inside of his windpipe and squeezed. He clawed at his throat, desperately trying to gasp in air.  
  
Agnarr only stood silently by, unmoving and unblinking. His eyes were concentrated squarely on Robbie's neck.

It was after only a few seconds of agony that Robbie realized that Agnarr _wasn’t stopping_. He shuddered, gasping in painful breaths whenever the pressure softened minutely. Regardless of the minute amounts of air he managed to gulp in, dark spots quickly appeared in his vision.  
  
Robbie felt the pressure cease after what felt like minutes and he tumbled onto the grass, coughing and wheezing. His throat felt like it had been bathed in acid, shards of glass embedded inside it that made it hurt to breathe. He was shaking so badly he couldn't move.  
  
The world faded in and out of focus like a kaleidoscope. All Robbie's energy had faded from him entirely, gone like dust in the wind. The feeling of being powerless made Robbie nauseous.  
  
He winced as he heard feet hit the dirt beside his head, straining just to look up.  
  
"I did warn you," Agnarr said casually, tipping Robbie's drink into the grass beside him. "I'm only this generous because you are nothing more than an overgrown child. Even you can learn."  
  
Robbie tried to speak but he couldn't, pain overtaking his senses every time he tried to talk. His only response was a desperate, agonized groan of pain. Robbie couldn't even work up the energy to spit at him.  
  
"Everyone makes mistakes. I hope you won't make the same one again."  
  
Agnarr jogged away, humming quietly under his breath.  
  
Before Robbie could even move again he cloaked himself with magic, turning himself invisible. It was a patchy job, barely solid, but it would have to do. It took what little energy he could scrape up. Robbie doubted that he would be able to get himself back to his lair unless he crawled, and there was no way he was going to risk being seen like that. He couldn't take it.  
  
"Magic," Robbie managed to croak out, screwing his eyes shut. He curled up and tried to remember how to breathe.  
  
Robbie's throat ached for days afterwards. It was two weeks before he could talk again.  
  
The next time he saw Agnarr the pain came back, daggers lancing through his throat.  
  
"How are you, Robbie?" Agnarr asked, his blue eyes glittering softly. He was all smiles. Grinning like a child, surrounded by townspeople who loved and adored him.  
  
Robbie decided he'd never hated anyone else this much.


	4. we were cold and we were clear

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bless all your hearts for all these positive comments, bookmarks and kudos! ;; Updates will be slowing down as I go into territory I haven't planned yet, but I can assure you they won't end up too slow as long as I don't have school/work interfering with my upload times.
> 
> As always, I love and appreciate every comment even if I don't reply to them. Thank you all so much! Please let me know if there are any spelling/writing errors and the like, or just leave some critique in the comments if that's what you'd like to do. Or, discuss exactly how you'd kick Nine's ass. Whatever works for you!

Robbie hadn't ended up sleeping, in the end. He'd tried very, very hard to, as he usually did, but he couldn't. He'd just ended up staring disinterestedly at the cinnamon residue at the bottom of his mug, trying to find patterns in the leftover gunk as he swished it around.  
  
It didn't look much like anything, he decided, after staring for what must have been hours.  
  
Being without the glamour Agnarr had put in him left him feeling almost unmoored. It had sunk into him for so long that it had just become a faint itch that had only bothered him occasionally, and now it was gone it felt like something was missing. Like a particularly annoying noise that he'd gotten used to suddenly disappearing, making his ears both miss it and want it back. He was angry at himself for thinking that way, but then again Robbie was angry at himself for a lot of things. One being continuing to bother an immensely powerful elf out of spite. The other being not insisting on Sportacus just leaving instead of seeing him in the aftermath of a nightmare. Though, he supposed, his reputation of being intimidating was in complete shambles. What was the use in complaining about it shriveling just a little more?  
  
The mug slipped out of his grip and clattered on the ground, rolling away to the other side of the room. He considered going to get it for a few moments but decided that he really couldn't be bothered. He'd do it later.  
  
It took only a few moments of him staring up at the ceiling before Robbie decided that, yes, he'd rather have something to do than aimlessly watch the cracks in the ceiling. As much as he wanted to be lazy, he was increasingly finding it difficult as he found it harder to sleep. A quick glance at his clock showed that it was one o' clock in the afternoon.  
  
The children weren't making a racket, so he could potentially try to go back to sleep. He just doubted that he'd enjoy his dreams if he did, so he grumbled quietly under his breath and got up, his back creaking as he did so.  
  
Lazytown was blessedly quiet when he finally reached the main centre of the town, the sports fields empty. He walked slowly in a circle, trying to see anyone at all. He caught a glimpse of a several of the children, including the irritating pink brat, taking a hike up towards the woods. He breathed a sigh of relief as they vanished from sight. They wouldn't be bothering him.  
  
The sound of sudden running feet made Robbie jump and he whirled around, his heart leaping into his throat.  
  
"Robbie!" Sportacus called out, jumping clean over a wall to land in front of him. Robbie went tense in an effort not to flinch. "How are you?"  
  
Robbie rolled his eyes, making a show of covering his ears. "Do you have to be so loud? I'm right here."  
  
Sportacus was still oozing energy like a faucet. It was like he was made of static electricity. He raised his hands placatingly, his expression suddenly apologetic. "I didn't mean to scare you, Robbie, I wasn't thinking. I'm sorry. I was wondering if you wanted to come sit with me?"  
  
Robbie blinked in confusion at the offer, not sure if he'd heard Sportacus correctly. He took a step back. "Do you even know how to sit, Sportakook?"  
  
Sportacus laughed, his eyes bright. "Of course I know how to sit! I just like to move around. Do you mind coming along? The kids are all going on a hike in the woods, and I said I'd join them later. No one would bother us."  
  
Robbie opened his mouth, ready to say no, but instead he just shrugged. "If you insist."  
  
Sportacus led Robbie to a shady spot beside a lake just on the edge of the woods, where sunlight filtered through thick leaves and the air was cool and silent apart from the faint whistling of birds. It was... nice. The sort of place he'd go if there wasn't the possibility of screaming brats. Maybe bring along a slice of cake and sleep, if he wasn't sure he'd be eaten alive by ants.  
Robbie didn't protest as Sportacus sat him down on an old, weathered wooden bench. It was odd seeing Sportacus so subdued, but it was an opportunity for quiet that Robbie wasn't going to pass up.  
  
Sportacus took a seat beside Robbie, sitting on edge of his seat like he couldn't wait to get up again. He clearly didn't want to be sitting, but he was doing it for Robbie's sake. That made something in Robbie chest feel light and soft. It was odd. He dismissed it as unimportant.  
  
"I read a book about this," Sportacus said suddenly. Robbie jolted at the unexpected noise, glaring over at Sportacus. "Oh! Sorry, Robbie. But I was just saying that I have a book in my airship about... this sort of stuff. It said that I shouldn't be doing any pressuring. Are you feeling better?"  
  
"You? Sitting? Reading?" Robbie scoffed, tugging at his cuff-links. The idea of Sportacus sitting down and reading for his benefit, of all people's, was like an imaginary number. It made no sense.  
  
"I was worried, and my bedtime was already missed. Also, I wasn't sitting. I was doing pushups." Sportacus said, then frowned. "I don't think I got much sleep."  
  
Robbie took in the bags under Sportacus' eyes and his subdued energy. So that was why.  
  
"That makes two of us, Sportaflop."  
  
Sportacus' face fell. His face reminded Robbie of a kicked puppy again and it was an almost herculean effort to not feel bad. "You promised me you'd sleep, Robbie."  
  
"I don't remember promising anything to you."  
  
"Well, as long as you tried."  
  
"I did try," Robbie grumbled, hunching his shoulders.  
  
Sportacus smiled. "Well, that's all anyone can ask."  
  
Robbie huffed, but didn't say anything else.  
  
Sportacus' expression was almost painfully earnest and open when he spoke again. "Do you think you can tell me anything about what happened to you, Robbie? I don't want to force you, but I think it will help."  
  
Robbie scowled. "There isn't anything to talk about. It's over now."  
  
"You're still having nightmares," Sportacus said. "That's not saying over to me."  
  
Robbie looked Sportacus in the eye, raising a brow. "I was having them before you came here and I think once I finally get rid of you I'll still have them."  
  
Sportacus sighed exasperatedly at the end of Robbie's sentence, shaking his head. "I know you don't really want to get rid of me, Robbie. And as for the nightmares... next time you have one I can stay with you and help, if you'd like."  
  
Robbie felt his chest tighten. He straightened up his posture. "What?"  
  
"Well, I'm sure I can survive a few nights not going to bed early," Sportacus said, smiling broadly. "I really do want to help you."  
  
"I'd rather not have you asking me ridiculous questions every night, thank you very much."  
  
"Every night?" Sportacus said gently, "Does that happen to you every night?"  
  
"Of course not!" Robbie snapped, "Otherwise that crystal of yours would never let you get your beauty sleep, would it?"  
  
Sportacus sighed, spreading his arms out in front of him. "I guess you're right," he said. Robbie could sense his unhappiness.  
  
Most of the time Robbie didn't sleep, or didn't dream at all. He wasn't lying.  
  
"Why did you have a book in your airship about this?"  
  
Sportacus' face became pensive and blank. It was the strangest thing Robbie had seen in a long time, and he instantly felt the change in the air. It felt calmer. Emptier. "Not every child's story is a happy one, Robbie."  
  
"And I suppose you made them all better with sports candy and exercise?" Robbie said, then instantly regretted it. The kicked puppy face was too much. It was unfair. "Sorry."  
  
Sportacus gave Robbie a noncommittal smile, starting to bounce his knee slightly. "It's alright. No. I couldn't always help them, but I did what I could. I helped them be safe. They all ended off at least a bit happier, and that's a victory."  
  
"And that's what you're trying to..." Robbie mumbled, finding himself unable to finish the sentence. He gave a shrug instead.  
  
Sportacus brightened. "To do for you? Yes! You're my friend, Robbie."  
  
"I'm not very good at being a friend."  
  
Sportacus stood up, seeming to finally decide he couldn't handle being stationary. "Yes, you are. Not all the time, but you've made the kids very happy when you've joined in and helped."  
  
"Well, isn't that good for them," Robbie said disinterestedly.  
  
"Robbie..."  
  
Sportacus' crystal started to flash abruptly, the soft beeping immediately making Sportacus' face fall as he stared at it, frowning. Robbie was suddenly furious at that annoying trinket's timing. He didn't know how Sportacus could _stand_ it.

Sportacus glanced up at Robbie apologetically. "Ah, Ziggy's in trouble. Did you want to come with me? We can keep talking after."  
  
Robbie opened his mouth and abruptly froze when he realized the answer he was going to give. Yes. What kind of answer was that? He was Robbie Rotten. _Rotten_. The name implied something. It didn't imply being at the beck and call of an annoying sports elf.  
  
He immediately erased any thoughts of that out of his head.  
  
"No, Sportaflop. Go do all that flippity hero business somewhere else," he said, surprisingly able to keep a straight face. That was a first. "You're not going to guilt me into hiking with you and those brats."  
  
Sportacus shrugged, giving Robbie a smile even though he looked as disappointed and conflicted as Robbie felt. "Well, I will talk to you later."  
  
"You do that," Robbie said.  
  
He watched Sportacus vault away across the grass, unnecessarily athletic and enthusiastic, and wondered why exactly he was feeling bad.

* * *

  
  
_Robbie had made it a point to always be near other residents of Lazytown, even if they didn't know he was there. It was easier than walking around a corner and meeting Agnarr face to face alone. More often than not it ended up with Robbie trying to ignore the urge to punch him whilst smiling politely. It seemed that feeling was mutual, judging by the cold gleam in Agnarr's eyes._  
  
_The moment he found out that Agnarr couldn't have refined sugar, hearing it from a conversation he was having with his gaggle of brats, he stayed awake for two days making a machine that could disguise sugar as fruit. He'd nearly passed out from exhaustion after he'd created at least two baskets worth of candy apples, but it was worth it._  
  
_For one day all the children in Lazytown were inactive, fretting over Agnarr as he lay unconscious on a bench. It was the happiest day Robbie had had in weeks. He was able to walk around town without phantom pain making him scratch at his neck._  
  
_When he'd come back home after the sun was almost set, pulling open the metal lid, he'd instantly known something was wrong._  
_His wards were broken, and the air tasted of smoke. He knew that much. Robbie had a feeling that he wasn't going to like what he found, or who he found, but he didn't have much choice. He needed to sleep._  
  
_He steeled himself and climbed down the chute, taking it far slower than he usually did. When he reached the bottom he wished he'd taken it slower._  
  
_Agnarr was stood in Robbie's home, surrounded by shards of metal and piles of torn up wires. There wasn't any machinery spared. It was all broken into little more than unsalvageable pieces of junk and metallic dust. Even his tools weren't left in one piece. Hammers and nails were splintered into nothing more than chunks of wood and copper._  
  
_The air smelled of charred fabric and any doubt in Robbie's mind that his furniture was left unscathed went out the window. There was nothing at all left._  
  
_Robbie felt like his chest was filled with acid. He stood completely ramrod stiff, spending a few moments just taking in the scene of destruction in front of him. His thoughts went around and around in circles, uncomprehending._  
  
_It couldn't be gone. It couldn't be. It was all he had._  
  
_"You must've been quite angry to do something like this," Agnarr said, giving Robbie a patient smile._  
  
_It took Robbie a few moments to find his voice through the smog of disbelief. The complete and utter lack of any comprehension. It was hard to pull himself together again, but he managed it._  
  
_"You," Robbie growled, shaking with rage._  
  
_Agnarr's face said friendliness but his eyes were cold, frigid and quietly amused. "Calm down. I haven't done anything wrong."_  
  
_"All this over sugar apples?" Robbie said, his throat tight. He tried to ignore the urge to take a swing at Agnarr. The outcome of that fight would not be in his favour._  
  
_Agnarr shrugged. "Well, you do get quite angry when your plans don't work, Robbie," he said, "I would never do anything like that in front of the children."_  
  
_The implication of what Agnarr said washed over Robbie. The unspoken 'no one will believe you'. Robbie's neck started to hurt again and he cursed under his breath, scratching at it. It'd been bothering him for weeks. He didn't think it would be too out of the question that that was what Agnarr had intended._  
  
_"Is something the matter?" Agnarr said, mock concern on his face._  
  
_"Just go," Robbie spat._  
  
_"As you wish," Agnarr said cheerfully, turning away. Robbie felt the pressure on his throat increase again, pulsing painfully. It only stopped when Agnarr finally vanished from sight, climbing up the ladder._  
  
_Robbie fell to his knees amongst the wreckage and tried to muffle his sobs._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ziggy can you stop getting stuck up trees and let robbie get some c o u n s e l l i n g


	5. and turns me to gold in the sunlight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaa! This is a chapter I may come back to to add more details, but as it is now I think I'm happy with it! (That could. Very quickly change. So if this chapter is vastly different next time you come back to it, there you go.) I'm glad you're all enjoying this story ;; it means so much to me.
> 
> Tell me if I need to add tags to the story or anything like that. I'm not usually a person who over-tags, but if you guys need anything tagged just let me know!

"Sitting upside down isn't good for you, Robbie."

It had been hours since Sportacus had gone for his hike, and in all that time Robbie hadn't found terribly much motivation to move. He'd tried a few different positions on the bench, but upside down with his head touching the ground and his legs over the top was the one Sportacus had found him in. He peered up at Sportacus' face and dismissively waved a hand at it.

"I can do what I like, Sportaflop," Robbie said, not making any move to right himself. He'd been that way for at least five minutes and his head was throbbing, but he wasn't giving in.

Sportacus shook his head exasperatedly. "Okay, Robbie."

Robbie remained upside down stubbornly for a few more seconds before sitting upright, clutching his head when all the blood rushed from it, making the world seem to spin. Sportacus winced in sympathy. "So what are you bothering me for this time?"

"I was going to land my airship for some repairs tonight. I thought you might like to help?"

"What repairs?" Robbie said. "I know it's automated. You wouldn't know what end of a wrench was the right one."

"Well, you're right about that," Sportacus said, looking sheepish. He rubbed at the nape of his neck. "But the computer repairs it faster when it's not in motion. Also, Ziggy made me a cake before remembering I couldn't eat it, so I -"

Robbie cut Sportacus off with a finger to his lips. He stood up to his full height. "Enough said. Deal."

Sportacus grinned, bouncing on the balls of his feet for a moment. "I'll go land it. Wait here, Robbie."

By the time Sportacus had called down his ladder and made the almost agonisingly slow climb up it, Robbie had flopped back down on the bench and shut his eyes. It was oddly relaxing. Very quiet.

"Hi, Robbie!" an irritatingly loud voice called out. Robbie jumped, coming out of his doze. How did all of them manage to sneak up on him so easily? He was the one with the spying technology, not them.

"Hello, little pink girl," he mumbled, rubbing his eyes. "I'm asleep."

Stephanie rolled her eyes. "You're not asleep."

"I am," Robbie insisted, "My new machine means I don't ever have to wake up. Can't you tell, little girl?"

Stephanie looked about as convinced as he expected her to be. Not at all. "I've noticed you talking to Sportacus a lot lately. Are you two friends now?"

Robbie stretched his arms above his head, yawning, before letting them drop limp at his sides. "No, I'm not friends with Sportakook. I'm just biding my time."

"I'll take that as a yes," Stephanie said, hands on her hips. She gave him a small smile. "I was just asking because we want to throw a surprise party for Sportacus' birthday, but we don't know when it is. Or how old he is. He's very secretive about it. Trixie thought you could ask him, because she said he called you his 'best friend' once."

Robbie went stiff, abruptly going from half asleep to fully awake and horrified. "He said what?"

"I thought she was joking, but she said it really seriously. And when I asked Sportacus he said it was true."

"Best friend? Me? Sportacus?"

Stephanie shrugged. "It's what he said!"

Robbie stuck his tongue out. "Ugh. No way."

"No way?" Stephanie said, suddenly looking mischievous. She glanced at something over Robbie's shoulder but he decided he wasn't falling for it. That was the oldest trick in the book.

"Yes. No way."

Sportacus' laugh came from somewhere behind Robbie and he jumped again, glancing back. Sportacus was leaning on a tree behind him, a bright grin on his face. "Well, I guess I'll be giving cake to someone else then!"

Robbie stared up at the sky exasperatedly. It didn't have any answers.

Stephanie glanced between the two of them, looking completely dumbfounded. "Sportacus, are you really giving Robbie cake?"

Sportacus nodded. "I don't want to waste Ziggy's hard work. I'm sure Robbie will appreciate it."

"Do you know how many lollipops Ziggy put in that thing?" Stephanie said, her voice quietly horrified. "If you even look at it you'll get a sugar meltdown!"

Sportacus blanched a little, but kept smiling. "I'll make sure Robbie doesn't eat the whole thing."

Robbie felt a twinge of his old mischief and raised a brow at Sportacus. "And I'll make sure I do."

"Robbie!" Stephanie admonished.

"Robbie Rotten," he said, putting emphasis on the second word. "Villain number one."

"You're not eating the whole cake, Robbie," Sportacus said firmly, before looking back at Stephanie with a bright smile. "I need to be getting back to my airship to make sure the computer repairs it okay. Just send me a letter if you need anything, alright?"

Stephanie pouted slightly, but it turned into a smile. "Alright. Bye, Sportacus! Bye, Robbie!

"I'll see you later, Stephanie!" Sportacus said, waving at her as she walked away. Robbie gave a small wave but nothing more. She didn't seem too upset at that. She just mouthed something at him that looked like 'don't forget to ask', and continued on her way.

"What was that?" Sportacus asked.

"None of your business. Now, where's this airship of yours?"

Several hours later, after Robbie had been given a slice of chocolate marble cake about the thickness of a sheet of paper and had been hard pressed finding times when Sportacus was distracted by the computer's whirs where he could dab icing onto his finger, Sportacus had glanced outside casually and been taken aback. Robbie looked over from where he was sat, raising a brow when he saw that whilst it wasn't pitch black, it was certainly not far off it. He ran his finger through the icing again and just managed to lick it off before Sportacus turned around.

"Did you want to just stay here?" Sportacus said, looking apologetic. "I've kept you very late."

Robbie glanced around the airship, feeling a sense of foreboding at how empty and pale it was, how it threatened to bring up old memories, but he shrugged. It had nothing to do with before, and he'd been finding every excuse to avoid talking about the 'before' when Sportacus asked. He'd be fine. It wasn't on his mind. "If you insist."

Sportacus did a handspring over to a set of buttons. It was completely unnecessary, but Robbie wouldn't have expected anything else. Sports obsessed overactive jumping bean. "I'll get the spare bed out. How many pillows do you want?"

"All of them."

Soortacus gave Robbie a puzzled look, his mouth quirking up at the corners. "We'll stick with two."

"If I have to," Robbie said. Sportacus pressed a button on the floor with his foot and a bed slid out of the wall next to Robbie, so close it brushed past his shoulder. He jumped back and scowled at Sportacus, who gave him an apologetic shrug, having already picked up the finger-marked cake and moved over to what appeared to be some sort of refrigerator.

"I forgot it was there," he said.

"Well, don't forget next time," Robbie snapped, flopping down on it. It was decently comfortable. Just a little too firm. He tucked his hands behind his head, staring up at the pristine white ceiling.

"Did you need -"

"Anything else? Quiet."

Sportacus sighed, shaking his head. "Goodnight, Robbie."

* * *

Robbie jolted awake barely able to breathe, his chest feeling like it was filled with glass and rocks. The room was familiar, but it wasn't his. It was... someone else's.

No. No. Not again.

The white walls, the emptiness, the cold. He'd only been in Agnarr's airship once, just once, but he'd never regretted anything so much. Now he was back. Why was he back? Why was he so stupid? He could barely move, tangled up in something thick and awful which was holding him down. Robbie thrashed and tugged at it, trying to get free, but only ended up tangled further. He tried to scream but he didn't have the air. It just came out as a weak, strangled croak.

"Robbie! Robbie, it's alright! Breathe!"

The pressure enclosing Robbie vanished, the blanket hurled across to the other side of the room. Robbie shook and tried not to feel sick as the room seemed to spin, everything too cold and empty. It wasn't right. He didn't belong here. He dragged his fingers along the surface he was lying on, but there was no comforting softness, no orange fur. Just a tiny amount of give and complete smoothness. Robbie dug his nails into it, willing it to change, but it wouldn't. It wouldn't.

"Breathe in," a soothing voice said, soft and blessedly quiet. Robbie did as it said, breathing shakily through the panic. "That's good. Now breathe out. And again."

It took what felt like forever for Robbie's heart to stop pounding and for the room to swim into full focus, the nausea going away gradually as he breathed. He screwed his eyes shut, just taking a few moments to try and come back to himself.

"Can you talk to me, Robbie?" Sportacus said, a worried expression etched across his face.

Robbie breathed out a shaking sigh, slowly figuring out how to speak again. Sportacus just looked at him, not making any sudden moves. Even his blinks were slow. It was so bizarre to watch that Robbie forgot for a few moments that he expected an answer.

"Yes," he murmured, his voice small and shaky. "Sportacus."

"That's good!" Sportacus said. "My crystal woke me up just a little bit ago. I didn't want to wake you up too roughly, but I had to. You were having a very bad nightmare."

"I'm fine," Robbie said.

"My crystal's still going off," Sportacus said. "You're not fine. You can tell me what's wrong, Robbie. I'm here to help you."  
Sportacus put his hands on Robbie's shoulders tentatively, smoothing gentle and comforting circles into them. It immediately made Robbie feel nauseous again.

Robbie recoiled from Sportacus' soft touch, slapping his hands away. "Stop doing this! Stop being like this!"

Sportacus' soft expression faltered and he backed off, giving Robbie space. "What do you mean?"

"You're acting like I deserve this!" Robbie shouted, "I don't deserve anything! I'm rotten, I'm- I'm -" Robbie had started to cry halfway through the sentence, tears running down his cheeks, but he didn't know when it had happened. Words turned into wordless cries and he wasn't sure how to stop them. They just kept tumbling out.

Sportacus' expression crumpled. He clearly wanted to touch Robbie again judging by his still hovering hands, but he didn't come any closer. "You deserve to be happy, Robbie. I promise you."

Robbie's breath hitched. "Then why do I feel like this, Sportacus?" Robbie cried out, his voice thin and reedy, "Tell me why! Why do I hate feeling good?"

"How you feel isn't wrong. I'm going to try to help you, Robbie. No matter how long that takes. You can be helped."

The words were meant to be comforting, they obviously were, but all that bubbled up in Robbie was rage. He tensed up, his expression morphing into a snarl.

"That's not true. Agnarr - he - he was right, and you know it!" Robbie shouted, his words half choked with tears, "You should a - all kno - w it. You should all have f... figured that out! He knew that I couldn't be helped!"

Sportacus froze, his eyes wide, before his expression crumpled to something deeply hurt and sympathetic. Robbie heaved in breaths, gulping in just to feel like his lungs weren't going to fail him. His throat ached and he scratched at it, trying not to look at Sportacus. He didn't want to see the disappointment.

"No," Sportacus said firmly. "He wasn't right, Robbie. You are not perfect, but you did not deserve abuse. No one does."

Robbie felt his anger crumple and he slumped, his shoulders shaking.

"I'm - I'm s- sorr..." Robbie managed to say, the room suddenly feeling too bright and too open and like at any second he was going to see a familiar silhouette and just break. He let out a weak cry, covering his eyes with shaky hands. "D - don't... go, pl - please."

"Robbie, it's alright. It's alright. I'm not going anywhere."

Robbie tried to speak but found he couldn't. He didn't have anything to say.

Instead he flung his arms around Sportacus, pressing his face hard into Sportacus' shoulder. The darkness helped, and the warmth, and it made the pain in his throat fade a little. It was better. He didn't know why it was better, and he could barely think it through with his head so scrambled, but it helped. It made him feel a little less like he was going to crumble to pieces. Sportacus let out a quiet exclamation of surprise, hesitating for a moment before reciprocating the hug. His arms were strong, solid, but he only held Robbie gently, clearly trying to show that he'd let Robbie out if he wanted it. Robbie choked down a sob at that, digging his nails into Sportacus' back. Sportacus didn't even flinch.

"Thank you," Robbie mumbled into Sportacus' shoulder.

"What kind of hero would I be if I didn't help you?" Sportacus said, running a hand through Robbie's hair. Robbie gave a quiet huff as his hair was ruffled out of its style, but didn't stop him. He didn't want to.

Robbie fell asleep surprisingly easily like that, all things considered. His sleep was empty and dreamless.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> robbie rotten more like ivan insecurity


	6. fall down beneath their own weight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's here! Hooray!  
> I don't really know what to say about this chapter. It's... it's something. I'm hoping it's an enjoyable to read something.
> 
> Also I love every single person who has left me a kudos/comment. You all get a smooch. I love you.

It took three weeks of Robbie trying secretly to piece together machines from whatever scrap he could manage and being caught every time for him to give up entirely. His lair felt empty without the whir of machines and the faint buzz of electricity, like it had lost its heart, but he didn't have much of a choice. He wasn't sure he could take seeing Agnarr climb down his ladder just to break them again. No matter how desperately he tried to plead and explain and beg. No matter what his latest machine was. It took barely any effort to find them no matter how well he hid them, and even less for them to shatter.   
  
Robbie found, increasingly, that he felt like a prisoner. The thought had come to him one day out of nowhere, and he found he couldn't shake it. His lair felt suffocatingly small, like he was a rat in a cage, but he could hardly just leave. The other residents of Lazytown seemed content to keep him out of sight, out of mind. Agnarr was very keen to remind him of that. He wasn't meant to irritate them.    
  
Of course, Robbie did anyway. All he had to do was be near them and they seemed to think he was personally assaulting them.   
  
The last time he'd been up out of his home, trying to get food to replace what Agnarr kept throwing out on account of it being unhealthy, one of the children had fixed him a glare so hateful and distrustful that it had burned him somewhere deep in his core. He didn't even know the girl's name. All he knew was that Agnarr hadn't glamoured her, hadn't used any magic on her at all. She despised him because Agnarr had told her to.    
  
It hurt. It hurt, and he wasn't entirely sure why.   
  
Robbie found himself sitting in a grassy spot in the middle of town, staring up at the sky. He wasn't entirely sure how he'd got there, but he wasn't willing to move. It was somewhere the children weren't. That was enough for him.    
  
Agnarr's airship hovered above him, silent as the clouds around it. Staring at it made Robbie's throat ache painfully, but he didn't back down. It gave him a lot of opportunities to imagine the airship burning, or popped, or, more realistically, gone. It was worth it.    
  
The ladder from Agnarr's airship unfurled, dropping down only a few metres away. Robbie stared at it, his expression blank. Agnarr was climbing down urgently, his limbs a blur of movement. The fact that he likely wasn't coming down for Robbie eased the awful tiredness that was filling Robbie's head with cotton wool. The complete emptiness that was there instead wasn't much better, but it was better. He settled back onto the grass and looked up at the clouds.   
  
Agnarr finally reached the bottom and barrelled past, only making a second of eye contact with Robbie before continuing on, his crystal glowing like a miniature sun. Robbie screwed his eyes shut until he couldn't hear footfalls anymore.    
  
The ladder, Robbie realised. The ladder was still down.   
  
Robbie bolted upright and started climbing without a second thought, scrambling up the rungs. He didn't care how visible he was. He had an opportunity he wasn't going to give up. It was almost too good to be true.    
  
When he finally pulled himself inside, eyes screwed shut so he couldn't see the drop down below him, he felt an acute sense of wrongness that filled every part of him. Agnarr's airship had an air to it. The sense of it not being somewhere Robbie was allowed, like it was physically rejecting his presence. He glanced around the empty white room, turning slowly in a circle, but found nothing he could use. There was very little to sabotage. Other than the pilot's chair, everything was hidden behind translucent panels. He made his way over to one and shoved at it, trying to get it to move, but it didn't budge. Robbie cursed and tried another one, tugging at every edge he could pry at. They stayed stuck no matter how hard he pulled.   
  
Nothing moved. Robbie rubbed at his forehead, trying to think of something he could do. He had no machines, no tools. Nothing. He glanced over to the pilot's chair, considering, but decided that crashing the airship would do more damage to him than it would to Agnarr.   
He wasn't entirely sure what else he could do. He honestly wasn't sure what he _thought_ he could do. He'd never even been up here before.   
  
" _Hello_ , Robbie."   
  
Robbie jolted and scrambled back from the voice, acid bubbling up in his chest. He resisted the urge to try and brute force the door he found himself next to. He'd be caught in a second no matter what he did. Instead he froze stock still, hands by his sides, and tried to breathe.   
  
Agnarr had just appeared, short black hair still tousled from whatever inane hero business he'd been up to. He brushed dirt off his knees casually, as if he wasn't aware of the fact that Robbie was filled with so much dread that he felt like he was going to burst. The quiet amusement in his eyes, however, told Robbie that he knew. He was just playing at being ignorant.   
  
"Clever, aren't you? Getting into my home," Agnarr said, then shrugged his shoulders dismissively. "I'm afraid I can't have that much respect for it. You are not wanted here."   
  
"Leave me _alone_ ," Robbie said, his voice shaking.   
  
Agnarr made his way towards Robbie, maintaining constant eye contact that made Robbie's skin crawl. His smile was serene and soft, his deep blue eyes kind and almost glowing. For a moment Robbie didn't want to move or leave. He forcibly snapped his eyes away from Agnarr's and grit his teeth.   
Robbie wished Agnarr didn't look like he did. He had the boon of looking trustworthy and having magic that made him seem like a glowing angel. Robbie could hear Agnarr getting closer, his footfalls clicking on the tile. For one awful moment he felt his knees start to buckle, his blood running cold. He only just kept himself upright. It was a battle and he was sure if Agnarr took another step closer he'd lose. Robbie felt a whimper come out of his throat more than willed it, the sound breathy and exhausted.    
  
There was only one way out.   
  
Robbie pulled himself together as best he could, snapped his fingers, and turned to mist. The look on Agnarr's face shifted from neutral to shocked, then to hard determination. Robbie coalesced himself back to normal behind Agnarr, hoping to catch him by surprise, but Agnarr turned as if he'd known where Robbie had been all along. Robbie still felt the nausea of transporting, but he held up his hand, ready to try again. Agnarr didn't come any closer.   
  
"You have magic, then," Agnarr said, calm. There was a sharp edge to it that made Robbie's chest feel like it was being cut into. "What _else_ are you hiding?"   
  
"It's none of your business," Robbie spat.   
  
Agnarr lunged for him, his eyes suddenly hard and ice cold, and Robbie snapped his fingers as quickly as he could. A few seconds passed with Agnarr glancing around the room without seeming to spot him before Robbie took his chance.   
  
Robbie reappeared behind Agnarr and flung his forearm around Agnarr's throat, digging it in as hard as he was able. He was shaking, sweat running down his forehead, but he put every bit of his power into it. His magic wasn't powerful, but he used it to increase the pressure. A wave of bone-deep tiredness rushed over him and he swayed, but he clung to Agnarr even through it. He didn't dare let go.   
  
Agnarr growled, grabbing Robbie's arm and wrenching it off his throat with barely any effort. He shoved Robbie off his back in one fluid motion and fastened his hands around Robbie's throat. Time seemed to stop.   
  
It was the first time Agnarr had ever touched him, physically, and Robbie felt his chest tighten. He could feel the immense amount of power that spilled from every part of Agnarr wash over him. It was like being scalded.   
  
Robbie had made a mistake. A terrible, _terrible_ mistake.   
  
"You know, this is why you can't be helped. So much effort for nothing," Agnarr spat, his fingers tightening around Robbie's throat, "I am trying very, _very_ hard for you, Robbie. I've been to far worse towns than this and dealt with far worse than you. I am being generous."   
  
Robbie's chest heaved as he desperately tried to gasp in breaths, clawing at Agnarr's wrists.    
  
"Hate - you -" Robbie managed to gasp out, knowing he was wasting air. Agnarr's expression darkened.   
  
"Something I keep at my core is justice. You have _wronged_ me, Robbie Rotten. In every way. Do you think that you are innocent?" Agnarr leaned in closer, his teeth bared. "You deserve this."   
  
Agnarr let go of Robbie and shoved him back. Robbie stumbled but managed to keep his feet, gulping in air. He covered his throat with his hands, rocking back and forth on the balls of his feet. Agnarr's fingers felt like they'd sunk into his throat. Like they were still there.   
  
Robbie abruptly felt pressure on his left calf, like hands firmly gripping the bones of his lower leg. He froze, still and silent, willing it to go away, pushing at it with his own magic. Instead the pressure increased, clamping down like a vice, until the bones began to creak.    
  
" _Don't_ ," Robbie whispered, staring pleadingly at Agnarr. Agnarr's expression didn't even twitch, just stayed hard and determined.    
  
Everything numbed for a moment, one long moment, before there was an audible snap.   
  
Robbie screamed, the snapped bone shifting further out of place as he tumbled onto the ground. The pain was white-hot and agonising, like the inside of his leg had been scraped out and replaced with burning coals.    
  
Pressure was still around it, threatening to squeeze again. Robbie felt a wave of nausea run through him and his head fell back, banging into the hard airship floor.   
The pain seemed to vanish. Robbie knew numbly in the back of his mind that it probably shouldn't do that. He managed to catch a glimpse of his leg, the swelled, reddened skin surrounding the break. His body felt very, very far away. Like he was barely attached to it.   
  
"Don't try to attack me again," Agnarr said, his voice cool. He stared down at Robbie detachedly, seemingly ignoring the bright glow of his crystal. It hummed and beeped, but he didn't even flinch.    
  
Robbie could only groan in response, something that he was sure he meant to be 'please' but didn't sound much like anything at all. His head throbbed.   
  
"It was a clean break. You'll be fine," Agnarr said, "I'm not cruel."   
  
Robbie felt something bubble up in his chest, awful and sickly. Hysterical laughter burst from his mouth, the numbness in his head making the sound muffled. His throat ached, but he couldn't stop. He felt like he was broken.   
  
Agnarr looked at him with disgust, his lip curled, before he turned away and left Robbie's field of view. The stark white ceiling was the last thing Robbie saw before he faded out of consciousness.   
  


* * *

  
  
Robbie wasn't sure how long he stayed up there, through the haze of magic and pain. Not longer than a week, he thought, but he couldn't be sure. Agnarr came and went a few times a day, and he was sure he saw it get dark, but everything in his head was muddled. It may have only been a day. Time felt like it wasn't passing at all.  
  
He groaned when Agnarr came over and pulled him up, forcing him to lean on him to stay upright. Robbie didn't ask where they were going. His leg felt swollen and hot, pain jolting through him every time he put even a minuscule amount of weight on it. Agnarr barely gave him enough support to avoid pain. That was probably the idea.  
  
"Don't come back here," Agnarr said, brusque, "if you value your other leg as much as that one."  
  
Robbie gave an exhausted nod and he was led out the door of the airship. He blinked in surprise for a moment at the fact it was on the ground, but Agnarr led him at such a pace that he didn't have time to think. The hazy, blurry version of reality he was stuck in didn't give him much of an opportunity.  
  
"Is that... Robbie Rotten?"   
  
Robbie jolted, screwing his eyes shut. He recognised the high voices of Agnarr's gaggle of brats anywhere. Why did they have to be here now?  
  
His head throbbed in time with his leg. He let his head hang heavily, breath leaving him shakily.  
  
"He got hurt," Agnarr said.  
  
"And you're helping him?" one of them piped up. Robbie didn't open his eyes to see which one. He couldn't bring himself to care.  
  
"Of course!" Agnarr said, laughing.   
  
There was a murmur of discontent. "He doesn't look very well. Did he get hurt badly?"  
  
"Oh, he'll be fine." Agnarr patted him on the shoulder, a grin clear on his voice. "Won't you, Robbie?"  
  
Robbie's eyes opened slowly, his vision blurred and unfocused.   
  
It suddenly occurred to Robbie that he could tell them, all of the people standing in front of him, that Agnarr had hurt him. He could find a way to prove it, even though that would mean showing the town his magic. But he could see in their eyes the complete, glamourless adoration of Agnarr, and he could see even more their deep dislike for him. Whether Agnarr had sown that he wasn't sure. Maybe he'd just made them all hate him himself. It wouldn't be the first time.  
The points of contact he had with Agnarr were also a reminder that, if he wanted, Agnarr could compel every single witness to forget what he might do to Robbie if he tried to ask for help. The touch felt like glass against his skin.  
  
It was an easy decision in the end to figure out what to say.  
  
"Yes," Robbie said dully, "I will be."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ouch


	7. you look so angry when you sleep, your face a troubled frown

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Howdy! I had a bit of a break in writing for Christmas, but hopefully I'll be back to updates every 3 days or so now. (edit: but do NOt quote me on that because i'm headed into a direction i haven't fully planned yet and it may be back to chapter 1's estimate of a week. don't quote me on that either)  
> Thank you for all your wonderful comments. It really means so, so much to me that you are all enjoying this - and that I'm writing a villain good enough that you all want to set him on fire, I guess? I really want to just let you know that even if I don't reply to them, I read every comment and love them all! You are all so incredibly sweet and wonderful.
> 
> I hope you enjoy this chapter! I listened to a lot of 'Innocence' by Madeon while writing it. Fun trivia!

Sportacus woke up well rested, very warm, and right next to something that sounded like braying donkey. He tried to pull away but he was clung to like a limpet to a rock. Robbie gave a soft, discontented murmur as Sportacus tried to pull out of his hold, his shoulders tensing. For the first time in a while Sportacus was tempted just to lay there in bed past his usual wake-up time, but he needed to be a good example for the kids. He needed to be there for them. Even if he was almost certain this was the best sleep Robbie had had in a while.  
  
"Robbie, I have to get up," Sportacus said, trying to remove himself again from the tangle of limbs. It was a lot harder than he anticipated and he quickly gave up, sighing. He gently shook Robbie's shoulder, just hard enough to rouse him.  
  
Robbie jolted awake immediately, blinking confusedly for a moment before recoiling from Sportacus like he'd been burned.  
  
"Sportaflop," Robbie said, his expression affronted, "were we -"  
  
Sportacus pulled away fully and shrugged. "It got you to sleep, didn't it?"  
  
"You let me," Robbie said slowly, "you just _let_ me do that?"  
  
Sportacus stood and pressed his foot onto a button on the floor, smiling as the airship ejected an apple right into his hand. "It was no problem, Robbie. Don't mention it."  
  
Robbie's expression morphed into suspicion, his brows pulling together. "I am mentioning it. Why did you let me?"  
  
Sportacus' eyes widened. He set the apple down on the edge of the bed. He'd get back to it later. "Why wouldn't I? I told you, Robbie, I want to help you. That was what helped you."  
  
"Whatever you say," Robbie said absently.  
  
"... Do you want some breakfast?" Sportacus tried, "I could make something for you. Fruit pancakes?"  
  
Robbie huffed and furrowed his brow. "I'm not hungry, Sportakook. Stop _mothering_ me."  
  
Sportacus sighed. There was no point dancing around the issue. "Do you think you can tell me what happened in his airship?"  
  
Robbie's eyes instantly became cold and distant, his jaw set. Sportacus flinched at the sudden change. "It doesn't matter."  
  
"Robbie, it does. I'm not going to force you to talk to me, but -"  
  
"I don't _want_ to talk," Robbie said. Sportacus could hear the anxious, strained edge to his voice, but didn't mention it.  
  
"There is something I can do," Sportacus said gently, "if you don't want to say it all out loud."  
  
Robbie seemed to come back to awareness, curling his fingers in the blanket. "What?"  
  
Sportacus blinked up at the ceiling for a moment, trying to find the right words. He knew if he worded his explanation wrong it would ruin the receptiveness he could see on Robbie's face. "I can experience a memory. It's magic I have only used once, but I think it will work."  
  
Robbie froze, his eyes narrowing. "You want to go into my _head_?"  
  
Sportacus raised his hands placatingly. "I'm not going in anywhere," he said, "You don't have to show me anything. It's fine if you don't want to, Robbie."  
  
"Fine," Robbie mumbled, "Whatever."  
  
"This isn't something I'm taking a 'whatever' on," Sportacus said, shaking his head. "It's important."  
  
Robbie rolled his eyes. "Fine means yes. Do you need your ears tested?"  
  
Sportacus sighed, sitting back down on the bed. "Are you sure?"  
  
"Yes," Robbie said, "I'm sure."  
  
Sportacus rubbed at the back of his neck, shuffling an inch closer to Robbie. "I'll need to touch you."  
  
Robbie groaned exasperatedly, folding his arms. "Just do it."  
  
Sportacus placed his hands on either side of Robbie's face, pressing their foreheads together gently. Robbie made a questioning noise in the back of his throat.  
  
"It won't take long," Sportacus assured. "And you won't have to think about it."  
  
Robbie huffed. "Are you doing this or not?"  
  
"Yes," Sportacus said, reaching for his magic, "I'm doing it."  


* * *

  
  
_Everything was a haze. Sportacus' vision was bleary and swirling with mist, everything muffled and white at the edges. He blinked through it for a moment before shapes and colours began to coalesce, feeling emerging from the fog._  
  
_There were hands clamped around his throat. Nails digging in like they wanted to cut into his skin. Sportacus panicked and tried to push them away, but his hands weren't his own. He was an observer._  
  
_He was_ Robbie _._  
  
_Despite the muddiness of his vision and hearing, he felt one thing clearly. Robbie was terrified, trembling with exertion, and in great pain. Sportacus breathed through the fear like he would the sympathetic response of his crystal, but the pain was another story. He felt everything Robbie had felt. Every cruel press of fingers against Robbie's throat._  
  
_If Sportacus didn't know Robbie was alive, he would have thought Nine was trying to kill him._  
  
_Nine's face swam into view, his teeth bared viciously. A spike of terror ran through Sportacus at the sight, and he wasn't sure it was all Robbie's. "You know, this is why you can't be helped. So much effort for nothing -"_  
  
_As hazy as his vision was, fading in and out of focus, Sportacus managed to make out the basic shapes and colours. Raven black hair and venomous blue eyes._  
  
_Pointed ears, and a badge emblazoned with the number nine._  
  
_"- dealt with far worse than you. I am being generous."_  
  
_Sportacus strained to hear more from the memory, but most of Nine's words were lost in the fog. He breathed heavily through his nose as Robbie's clamouring emotions turned into deep anguish, mixing with the terror to create a mixture that left Sportacus breathless and shuddering._  
  
_Sportacus was shoved back, Robbie's memory just barely keeping his feet. He could hear talking, and feel something aching in Robbie's left leg, but everything was so indistinct and muddled with distress that he could barely process it all. The memory was barely solid. It didn't take much to assume that it had been repressed and pushed to the back of Robbie's mind._  
  
_Robbie's leg suddenly flared up with pain so intense Sportacus' vision whited out. He sensed the grip of magic around Robbie's bones, shifting bones like twigs._  
  
_If the glamour hadn't made Sportacus furious enough, the callous sneer he could just make out on Nine's face in the aftermath of him breaking Robbie's leg only heightened his rage. The complete disregard for Robbie's pain, even as his crystal shone bright on his chest. The anger quickly turned to anguish as he felt the deep, terrible emotional void Robbie had slipped into. He couldn't feel anything else. Just the blur of his emotions and the emotions of the memory and the pain that tore through his body like fire._  
  
_The last thing he heard before Robbie's memory disintegrated were the words, " - I'm not_ cruel _. "_  
  


* * *

  
  
Sportacus clutched onto Robbie to keep from falling off the bed as he came back to himself, fingers looped loosely around Robbie's upper arms. He breathed in short, shallow breaths, grinding his teeth to try and focus his head. His calf was still burning and he groaned, hissing out a breath through his teeth.  
  
His cheeks felt wet and he realised tears were rolling down them.  
  
"Robbie," Sportacus said, forcing himself to remain calm even as Robbie's panic and hurt lingered in his head. His voice shook. "Are you alright?"  
  
"Don't make a big deal out of it," Robbie said. He didn't move, or make any effort to look at Sportacus. It took Sportacus a few moments to notice he was trembling.  
  
"I... I never thought - Robbie, he.... he hurt you really badly," Sportacus said, his expression creased with worry. He winced as his leg flared up for a moment before the sympathetic pain started to fade. "And he did _more_?"  
  
Robbie breathed out a shaky sigh, running a hand through his hair. His gel had worn out in his sleep, revealing messy curls. It somehow made Robbie look more exhausted than the bags under his eyes could. "Haven't you nosed around enough for today?"  
  
"I just want to -"  
  
"- help me," Robbie snapped, his lip curling, "You keep saying that. I'm still waiting for you to tell me what the joke is."  
  
"Joke?" Sportacus said, "What do you mean?"  
  
Robbie growled low in his throat. "You really don't know how to listen."  
  
Sportacus' stomach dropped when he realised what Robbie was referring to.  
  
_“He knew that I couldn't be helped.”_  
  
Sportacus laid his hand over Robbie's, relief flooding through him when Robbie didn't flinch away. "I could tell you a thousand times, Robbie, that that's not true."  
  
"Just stop," Robbie said, his voice shaking, "stop _pretending_. It isn't funny."  
  
"I'm not-"  
  
Robbie's eyes were wet as he glared at Sportacus. "All I've done is hurt people. When's the punchline going to be revealed, Sportacus? When? What do you _want_ from me?"  
  
Sportacus stopped dead, his eyes wide. Robbie's posture was hunched and closed. Defensive.  
  
"What I want is for you to never say that again," Sportacus said firmly.  
  
Robbie glared at Sportacus, teeth bared. "Don't try to trick me."  
  
Sportacus realised that he was losing Robbie, tenuous trust cracking down the middle. He exhaled hard, shaking his head. "I'm not, Robbie!"  
  
"I don't need your help!" Robbie snapped. "I don't need you!"  
  
"There isn't anything wrong with needing my help, Rob-"  
  
Robbie cut him off with a hand over his mouth. Sportacus didn't try to keep speaking, just stared at Robbie with wide eyes.  
  
"Why don't you go," Robbie said slowly, his voice sharp and abrasive, "and help someone worth helping."  
  
Before Sportacus could say anything else, before he could reach out and try to do something, Robbie had clicked his fingers and vanished into mist.  


* * *

  
_There was a hard knock at the door. Mayor Meanswell jolted at the frantic banging, glancing up from the documents he was signing. He looked out the window to see a rolling dark cloud, rain coming down hard against the glass. It must have been at least 6 o'clock. He was sure he hadn't been at his desk that long, but time had clearly flown._  
  
_"A visitor this late?" he mumbled to himself, pushing his chair back and moving to open the door._  
  
_Milford swung the door open and gasped, covering his mouth. Robbie Rotten was leaning on the doorframe, blood pouring from his broken nose. He was shivering from the cold and from pain, his eyes bloodshot and wet._  
  
_"Help me," Robbie said, his voice trembling._  
  
_Milford glanced from side to side, seeing no one else on the street, before he ushered Robbie inside. He was soaking from the rain, hair plastered against his forehead._  
  
_Milford pulled out a chair for Robbie and he collapsed into it heavily, his breathing weak and ragged. He was almost doubled over, shoulders shaking._  
  
_"What are you doing here?" Milford said awkwardly, hovering near Robbie but not getting close._  
  
_"Couldn't... make it home," Robbie huffed out, his eyes screwed shut. He touched the trail of blood coming from his nose and winced._  
  
_Milford pulled a tea towel off his desk and handed it to Robbie, careful not to touch Robbie's fingers. "Did you hurt yourself?"_  
  
_Robbie began to dry his face, roughly dabbing at the area around his bloodied nose. He glanced at Milford with a tired expression. "Why did you let me in?"_  
  
_Milford hesitated, mentally preparing himself to call for help. "Agnarr said you couldn't be trusted, but I couldn't leave you like that."_  
  
_Robbie weakly laughed, wrapping his arms around his chest. He didn't make any moves to answer._  
  
_"What happened, Robbie?" Milford asked. He tentatively sat down on the edge of another wooden seat a few metres away from Robbie. He wasn't willing to get too close. It could all be an act._  
  
_"It doesn't matter," Robbie said dully._  
  
_Milford hesitated for a moment. "Well, as much as I -"_  
  
_Milford jolted as his door slammed open, bolting upright._  
  
_"Robbie," Agnarr hissed, taking a step inside. His expression was dark, a scowl etched into his features._  
  
_"Ah, Agnarr, he's been hurt -" Milford began, standing up straight._  
  
_Agnarr ignored him, his glacial stare fixed on Robbie. "What did I tell you?"_  
  
_Robbie's expression was contorted with fear, his hands trembling so badly the tea towel slipped out of them after only a moment. His eyes were glassy and empty, staring past Agnarr._  
  
_Milford looked between the two of them bewilderedly for a moment before realisation flooded through him and he froze, the blood draining from his face._  
  
_Agnarr looked at Milford confusedly, blinking slowly at him. "Didn't I tell you not to let him in?"_  
  
_"I think you should leave," Milford said. His voice wavered._  
  
_The change in Agnarr's posture was almost instant, his hands curling into fists. "What?"_  
  
_"Don't," Robbie said, his voice cracking._  
  
_Milford swallowed, standing up straighter. "You did this to him, didn't you?"_  
  
_Agnarr was silent for a long moment, expression closed, before he looked up at Milford with glowing blue eyes that seemed to ensnare Milford's gaze. Milford couldn't look away. His heart thumped in his chest like a drum._  
  
_Everything else seemed very far away. Unimportant. All that mattered was that he didn't look away._  
  
_"Forget this," Agnarr said, his voice firm and low. It was impossible not to listen. "And sleep."_  
  
_Milford tried to hang onto his thoughts but forgetting seemed so much easier, like it was the best thing in the world. Just the idea of trying to think made his head hurt._ _  
He swayed on his feet for a moment, exhaustion flooding him, before he collapsed back into a chair, his eyes falling shut._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sportacus: wow robbie that was really bad are you okay  
> Robbie: i'm going now bye


	8. but I am just a broken machine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay!! Here it is!! This took a bit longer than usual and making promises for updates every 3 days was a mistake. Updates will happen when they happen. Probably once a week, unless I get back into the swing of things! Although I have been writing chapter nine (heh) alongside this one, so that will be out a bit sooner.  
> One thing I have to say is... please don't send me asks on Tumblr or comment here asking for quicker updates. It makes me feel incredibly stressed and takes away my motivation to write.  
> I love that you all are super happy to read more of this, but please consider that.  
> Anyway! Thank you all so, so much for reading and kudosing! <33 I cannot thank you enough.

It took Sportacus at least five minutes to calm down his pounding heart enough for him to run out the door of his airship, sprinting across the grass as quickly as he could. His crystal wasn’t going off but he knew Robbie wasn’t safe. Wasn’t alright. He couldn’t just leave him.  
He'd been trying to get through to Robbie, trying to help him, and he'd ruined it. Sportacus had thought he'd been helping, but he hadn't. Even if he hadn't meant to, he'd made it all worse.  
  
He'd dealt with hurt children before. Children whose parents hit them, or took their things, or screamed at them for the tiniest mistakes. They'd almost always clung to him and let him console them. Even if they pushed him away, Sportacus knew how to deal with that. He knew how to help them. He knew children better than anything else.  
  
Robbie was something else entirely.  
  
He barely had the presence of mind to land on his feet when he dropped down the chute into Robbie's home, landing heavily and just barely keeping upright. The pain in his leg from Robbie's memory flared up again for a moment and his knee nearly buckled from the force of it.  
He steadied himself, breathing heavily. The darkness of the lair loomed around him, unwelcoming and barren.  
  
"Robbie!" Sportacus called out, turning around again and again to try and catch sight of something. Anything. He could sense magic, Robbie's magic, but it was so unclear he could barely pinpoint it. His head felt like it was filled with cotton wool.  
  
Sportacus finally caught sight of a shimmering, translucent cloud of mist curled over Robbie's chair, vaguely presenting itself as a human form. Wisps of white ran through the soft orange fur, again and again, like he'd seen Robbie do once or twice. There was no doubt in Sportacus' mind.  
  
"Robbie, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you," Sportacus said. He pulled off his cap, running a hand through his hair. "Please talk to me. I know you're there."  
  
The mist trembled and swirled, but it didn't change shape or pull back together. The tendrils stroking through the fur stopped moving.  
  
Sportacus sighed, kneeling down in front of Robbie's chair. He stretched out a tentative hand, waiting for permission. "You can't stay in your magic that way for too long, Robbie. You'll get hurt."  
  
Sportacus jolted as Robbie's magic roiled, trying to shove him back. Its efforts were weak and desperate, vapour pushing against his skin barely enough to take him off balance. He almost felt the press of hands in it, clawing at his shoulders, but only for a split second before they turned back into vapour.  
  
Sportacus put his hand over the wefts he assumed were meant to represent Robbie's fingers, gently settling it into the mist. Robbie didn't move. Sportacus could feel Robbie's eyes on him even if he couldn't see them.  
  
"I really do want to help you," Sportacus said, gently, "and I'm not giving up on you."  
  
Robbie shrank back, the bulk of his body disappearing into transparency. Sportacus gently ran his hand through the fur of the armrest, disturbing a few curls of mist. They stilled before loosely coiling around his hand.  
  
"Robbie, listen. You don't have to talk, just listen," Sportacus said calmly. He breathed out a heavy breath. "I know how hard it is for you to ask for my help. I was treating this like a problem with one of the kids. And I'm sorry. It's not nice to be pushed. Or forced. I shouldn't have made you feel like this. It was wrong of me."  
  
"...Do you think you can come out of that? I won't make you, but I don't want you to hurt yourself. We can try talking again another day."  
  
Robbie sat up straight, holding up one arm, or what Sportacus assumed was an arm, in a noncommittal gesture. The mist of his hand stayed curled around Sportacus' fingers.  
  
"Is that a yes?" Sportacus said. His eyes searched for any form of expression amongst the curls of translucent fog, but he couldn't get a sense of Robbie. Not through his magic.  
  
The fog gave a quiet huff, the sound distant and distorted. Like it was from a thousand miles away, reverberating through stone.  
  
Sportacus laughed softly. "I think I can interpret that, Robbie."  
  
Sportacus felt the magic in the room become almost tangible, the concentration on the chair beginning to feel more like oil than air when it brushed him. He pulled his hand back from where it was entwined with the mist of Robbie's fingers, letting him have space. Sportacus sat back on the balls of his feet.  
  
The magic began to pull together, to coalesce, the faint outline of a slumped man forming from the mist. He could see the faintest hint of Robbie's features against pale white, his taut expression of concentration coming through. Sportacus tried to meet his eyes but Robbie seemed to be entirely somewhere else, gaze glazed and unfocused.  
  
Then, abruptly, the magic shuddered. Sportacus felt it straining, weakly trying to form together. The fog wavered in and out of visibility. Sportacus realised that it was entirely possible that Robbie wouldn't be able to pull himself out of it. He was exhausted. Transporting himself that far was something he'd never seen Robbie do.  
  
The magic shuddered again, weakened. Fell back into barely a hum. The silhouette of Robbie vanished back into pale, indistinct mist. Sportacus couldn't even see the vague shape of a person anymore.  
  
There was no other word for what Robbie did other than wail.  
  
Sportacus immediately grabbed at whatever part of the fog he could reach, his fingers passing through the barely corporeal mist. His crystal started beeping and rattling in its casing, light flaring out of it. "Robbie! Robbie, it's alright! I've got you!"  
  
It took a moment, a long moment, before Sportacus concentrated his magic enough to grab hold of the edges of the fog, pulling them together with everything he had. He felt all the parts of Robbie at once, the sense of his magic, and had to fight hard to concentrate on pulling him back together right.   
Sportacus pushed his thoughts aside and concentrated on Robbie, shoving back the crawling discomfort he felt at how deeply he was invading Robbie's privacy. His energy all focused to a single point, weaving together tendrils and pieces into a familiar shape.  
  
Robbie fell out of the fog with a burst of blue light, his body colliding heavily with Sportacus and sending them both sprawling back onto the hard floor. Sportacus exhaled sharply as Robbie fell solidly on top of him.  
  
"Thank you, thank you, thank you," Robbie mumbled into Sportacus' chest, his trembling hands clinging tight to his shirt.  
  
Sportacus pet Robbie gently on the back. It seemed like the right thing to do. Robbie stilled, breathing shallowly.  
  
"That's - that's alright, Robbie. Did you not know that you can get caught in that kind of transportation magic? It's not good to stay in."  
  
Robbie froze, his fingers tightening and loosening in the material of Sportacus' shirt. He didn't move to answer.  
Sportacus felt a chill run down his spine.  
  
"You knew it could hurt you?" Sportacus said gently.  
  
"Didn't want to come out," Robbie said, raising his head. He met Sportacus' gaze with puffy eyes, his face pale and tear-streaked. Exhausted.  
  
"Oh, Robbie," Sportacus whispered. He wanted to brush the tears off Robbie's face, but he didn't want to scare him off again. He didn't want to ruin anything else.  
  
Robbie sat upright, scooting back from Sportacus. Sportacus let the hand that had been awkwardly rubbing his back settle back down by his side before sitting up himself. He could tell Robbie wasn't calm, wasn't by a long way, but he was closer than he'd been to calm before. Any improvement was better than none.  
Sportacus stared down at his own hands, wondering when exactly they'd started shaking.  
  
Robbie choked down a sob, weakly rubbing at his eyes. His hands were shuddering with every movement.  "What have I ever done to make you like me?"  
  
Sportacus' face crumpled. Robbie's exhausted gaze mapped every part of his face, confusion running through his grey-blue eyes.  
He genuinely, truly didn't understand. That made Sportacus' heart ache more than anything.  
  
"You haven't done anything to make me hate you," Sportacus said softly.  
  
Robbie jolted, his expression turning from tired to furrowed with irritated. He raised his hands, defensively holding them in front of him. "Why do you keep lying to me?"  
  
"I'm not," Sportacus said, "I wouldn't even if I could."  
  
Robbie sighed, his shoulders hunched. "Why are you doing this?"  
  
Sportacus paused for a moment, the fatigue from using such concentrated magic after so long ignoring that he even had power catching up with him. He forced his eyes open, resting his hands against his knees to stop their tremoring.  
  
"Because I like you, Robbie," Sportacus said. "I didn't think so at first, because you upset the children with some of your ideas, but you have a good heart. You are a wonderful friend."  
  
Robbie blinked at him bewilderedly, his lips pressing together into a thin line.  
  
Sportacus gave him a tentative smile. "Stephanie wasn't lying when she said I think you're my best friend."  
  
"I don't deserve this," Robbie said, his voice low. He wrung his hands idly, not meeting Sportacus' gaze.  
  
"I think you do. And I think those aren't your words. Not really."  
  
Robbie glanced at him, his expression unreadable. "You don't know that."  
  
"But I do know you."  
  
"You don't," Robbie said insistently.  
  
"I know that you're not a bad man. I think you just need someone to listen to you."  
  
Robbie hiccuped out a laugh. "You don't. I had it all figured out, Sportaflop. Did you even consider that? I had everything under control so it didn't hurt anymore. Then you came along and you made it bad again. You made me remember."  
  
"I - Robbie, you were having nightmares. You were afraid," Sportacus said, hesitating, "you were afraid I would hit you. That's not alright."  
  
Robbie shrugged heavily, tugging at his hair. It was a mess of knots and curly tangles, still unstyled and frayed at the ends. Robbie barely looked like himself. He looked like someone else, someone far less put together.  
Sportacus supposed it was a good enough representation of just how not okay Robbie was, even as he insisted he was fine. He'd never seen Robbie look so dishevelled and exhausted.  
  
"It didn't hurt before," Robbie mumbled, covering his face with his hands. "It didn't hurt."  
  
Sportacus' eyebrows drew together with concern. "It shouldn't ever have to hurt, Robbie."  
  
Robbie's eyes hardened. "Oh, and of course you would know all about this. You're the hero. You always win. But one day, you could decide that 'Robbie Rotten is too much work'," Robbie said, putting on a weak parody of Sportacus' accent, "and I - you could -"  
  
Robbie exhaled shakily, lifting a hand from his face. Sportacus inched forward and slowly took Robbie's hand in his own, settling it between two palms. Robbie stared down at their linked hands blankly but didn't pull away.  
  
"I won't," Sportacus said softly. "I couldn't."  
  
Robbie swallowed, closing his eyes. His chest shook with a sob.  
  
"I don't believe you," Robbie whispered.  
  
Sportacus rubbed Robbie's hand gently between his own, feeling out the calluses. "I know."  
  
Robbie choked down a cry, his head hanging limp. His shoulders shook as sobs spilled out of him. Sportacus reached up and rested a hand in Robbie's hair, gently smoothing through it.  
  
"I know, Robbie," Sportacus murmured.


	9. you're gonna make us scream someday, you're gonna make us weak

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A reuploaded version without the wing tearing.

Robbie's leg had healed badly. For weeks, Robbie had poured every bit of magic he had into trying to heal it, exhausting himself to the point where every day was a bleary daze, only to find that for all his effort it barely worked. He walked in only the loosest sense of the word, hobbling weakly and clinging to every wall he could. His leg ached like it was still halfway broken.

He wouldn't be surprised if Agnarr had intended that. He seemed happier with Robbie out of the way. Out of sight, out of mind.

Robbie found himself quickly realising that without his magic, he couldn't conjure up a disguise. He couldn't get food. He couldn't ask anyone for help. No one would trust him enough to even consider helping him.

If he asked Agnarr he was as good as dead. Robbie wasn't ready to sink that far. He wasn't. He had to keep some part of himself intact. Robbie only had himself left to trust and he wasn't going to give that up.

That pride didn't get rid of the problem of his aching stomach. It was an ever-present weight, not pain yet but threatening to be.  
Robbie only lasted a week before it became too much. The word weak stuck in his mind and wouldn't seem to leave.

The children's vegetable garden was the last place he would have chosen to find food, but he had no other choice. It was far away from the houses that he wouldn't be seen, and close enough to his bunker that he wouldn't collapse. A terrible solution, but starving was a much less appealing option.

After glancing around to make sure no one was looking, Robbie dug a carrot out of the vegetable garden with his bare hands, keeping his breath even and silent. He shoved it in his bag, taking a deep shuddering breath before starting on the next. The thick mud coated his hands, sticking hard under his nails.

Rain fell lightly on Robbie's back, but the faint rumbling coming from the sky gave him the impression it wasn't going to stay light. He sped up his scrambling, managing to pull three more carrots out of the ground before he felt the weight of rainfall heavier on his back. He resisted the urge to gag at the slimy texture of mud that covered them. He would be able to wash them later. It was a small comfort.

"Theft today then, is it?"

Robbie felt the energy he'd managed to scrape up disappear like dust in the wind.  
He felt tired. He felt so, so tired. It took only a moment of hearing Agnarr's voice before his knees started to tremble and buckle. The aching emptiness in his stomach felt like a pit. Robbie clung to the edge of the raised garden bed just to stay upright, his shoulders hunched.

"Please, not today," Robbie said.

"I thought you would at least have the decency to not steal from children, Robbie," Agnarr said. His crystal was pulsing with light, the flare growing the closer he got to Robbie. "But, ah, how terrible it is of me to assume that you could be more than what you are."

"I need to eat," Robbie said, his voice shaking.

Agnarr scoffed. Robbie could sense him coming closer, nausea running through him as he felt Agnarr's presence just behind him. His throat pulsed with pain. "You can survive on magic. Or are you too busy trying to hurt me with it? Don't think that I've forgotten what you did on my airship."

"My leg," Robbie choked out, digging his fingers into wood hard enough to get splinters in his skin. "I had to - to heal it."

"Don't make _excuses_ ," Agnarr said.

"I'm not!" Robbie snapped.

Robbie jolted as Agnarr grabbed his hands, tearing him away from the gardenbed. His whole body went numb, fear whiting out his senses. His knees threatened to buckle.

"You just can't learn to be civil," Agnarr spat, his voice sending an icicle of fear into Robbie, "can you?"

Robbie kicked back at Agnarr as hard as he could manage. His foot connected solidly with Agnarr's shin and Agnarr hissed, his grip loosening the fraction Robbie needed to snap his fingers.  
What Robbie didn't expect was for his magic to sputter out, thin white curls of smog swirling around him but refusing to take him in. He felt Agnarr's breathing uptick with surprise.  
He took the moment of distraction to twist himself out of Agnarr's grip, stumbling away a few steps before his injured leg gave out from under him. Robbie collapsed against a wall, scrambling at it to try and pull himself upright. His bones screamed with pain.

"Robbie," Agnarr said lowly.

Robbie tried to push himself into mist again, managing to slip half of his body into vapour before it snapped back into form again, splitting pain wracking through his body. His grip on the wall broke and he fell heavily, his descent only stopped by a hand grabbing the back of his shirt.

The fabric tore, the upper part of Robbie's shirt splitting at the seams. Robbie dropped like a stone. His nose slammed into the concrete with a crunch, his nose flaring up with burning pain. The taste of copper filled Robbie's mouth. Robbie managed to prop himself up on his hands and knees despite his blurring vision, biting down hard on his lip to distract from the sharp pain.

Without him even willing them to Robbie felt his wings extend through the hole torn in his shirt, weakly unfurling out of their confines. The thin, iridescent gossamer of them trembled in the cold air. Robbie desperately threw up a glamour to hide them, pulling together every last bit of energy he had left. It felt like he was trying to push glass through his fingertips, but he managed a pitiful scrap of magic. The glamour that came out was barely thick enough to fool a human, weak and barely there. His head throbbed with dull pain.

Robbie gasped and stared pleadingly up at Agnarr, tears and blood running down his face.  
Agnarr made a faint noise of affirmation, dropping the fabric he'd torn from Robbie's shirt. "I thought as much."

Robbie's vision swam, blurring into soft focus.

"Please leave me alone," Robbie forced out, his chest rattling weakly with every breath. The empty space where his magic usually sat inside him felt like a chasm. Robbie screwed his eyes shut, breathing shakily.

Abruptly, Robbie felt something. Something different, and thrumming, tasting like the colour blue looked. It felt like his magic did, but deeper, stronger, more refined. His eyes fluttered back open, his vision clearing just enough to focus.

There was a _dagger_ at his throat. Robbie’s breathing stopped, sticking in his chest like honey.

Agnarr glared down at him, his expression venomous. He held the dagger as if he'd held weapons all his life. There was no restraint in his posture. Nothing to suggest that this situation was new. Robbie made to draw back but he found he couldn't. His body wouldn't listen.

Agnarr's chest was labouring with deep, angry breaths, each exhale audible even over the sounds of rain growing heavier by the moment.

“ _Please_ ,” Robbie said weakly.

The blade pressed closer for a moment, the edge of it nicking Robbie's throat. Robbie stared up at Agnarr, scanning his expression desperately. He couldn't even take a breath.

Agnarr drew his arm back. His dagger dissolved into shimmering blue light before retracting into his forearm, merging into his skin. He took a few steps away from Robbie, his expression morphing into something completely unreadable.

"Stay _away_ from me, Robbie," Agnarr said, his voice sharp and biting.

Robbie barely noticed him go. He just curled into himself, clutching desperately at his throat, and choked down a sob.

* * *

Once Robbie had started crying, he found he couldn't stop.

  
Sportacus was kind, and selfless, and likely had far better things to be doing with his time, but he stayed and held Robbie. He didn't say anything. Just held Robbie and whispered soft, comforting words into his ear in a language he didn't understand.

  
Robbie realised, suddenly, that he felt something very much like safety. He opened his mouth to say something, but found he didn't have any words. He didn't feel much better, but he felt... something.

  
He shut his mouth and breathed out a deep sigh through his nose, holding on tighter to Sportacus. It made him feel better. That was enough.


	10. my thunder came and shook him down

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been a really long time, hasn't it?
> 
> There are a lot of things to say about this fanfiction. It's helped me make new friends, gave me an incredible boost in self-confidence for a time, and was the catalyst for me to meet someone who has become incredibly important to me. That's just the first few things.  
> The reasons I stopped writing it for so long are... myriad. Stress, anxiety, overthinking, they all played their parts.  
> But with the recent news about Stefan Karl, as well as my own confidence growing again, I want to try and finish this. I don't know how long it'll take. But what I do know is that I feel like it's too important not to finish.  
> Forgive me if there are any little mistakes - I wanted to post this the moment I finished it. I think I edited it well enough but my thoughts being all over the place sometimes results in unfinished sentences.  
> If you want to find me elsewhere, I'm at ayveehearts.tumblr.com.

_“I gave you mercy,” Agnarr hissed. Robbie jolted at his harsh tone, scraping his nails over his own throat. Agnarr grabbed him by the wrist, forcing his arm back down by his side._

_Robbie said nothing in response, staring glassily down at the floor. Not being present was so much easier, even as Agnarr’s enraged voice tried to drag him back to himself. He could be elsewhere, watching someone else be shattered like glass. Someone who looked like him but wasn’t._

_"If you don’t bend, you break,” he said. “Have you heard the phrase, Robbie? At every turn you specifically try to be a nuisance. Perhaps I’d forgive it if you were apologetic or did it unintentionally, but I cannot forgive being an intentional drain on others. It makes me wonder if you were ever anything else.”_

_“That’s not -” Robbie choked out. Agnarr bared his teeth and Robbie fell back into silence, pressing himself further back into the wall._

_"You don’t learn. No matter how much rope I give you, all you manage to do is hang yourself with it. Milford only considered helping you because he’s a weak-willed man, not because you were worth the effort.”_

_“I could leave,” Robbie said, his voice small and shaky. He tried to slip out of Agnarr’s grip but Agnarr tightened his fingers around the bones of his wrist. "I could just leave. And not come back."_

_Robbie knew he’d have another bruise. It was hard to be surprised at that._

_"No,” Agnarr said, digging his thumbnail hard into the pressure point on Robbie’s wrist. “Because you haven’t_ learned your lesson yet _."_

 

* * *

 

“Robbie.”

Robbie flinched, the pounding of his heartbeat in the space within his skull picking up into a violent drumbeat. With the silence broken the sense of safety that had filled the air dropped away like a stone. He could feel the trembling of Sportacus' hands against his back, the nervous energy eating away at the calm he had forced himself into.

“Robbie!” Sportacus said, raising his voice a fraction above his calm baseline. It was still enough to make Robbie’s ears ring. “Pixel needs me. I’m sorry, Robbie. I can’t stay.”

Robbie’s shoulders hunched and he clung on tighter, ignoring the rapid beeping and vibrating of the crystal against him. If he wasn’t feeling more helpless than a leaf in a wind tunnel, he would have just torn it out of its case. He didn’t need the reminder that there were more important things to do. He was already quite aware of the fact.

“Robbie,” Sportacus said, his voice firm but gentle. "I need to go."

“Let me go with you,” Robbie said, instant regret flooding in the moment the words left his mouth. 

Sportacus pulled away from Robbie, his eyes wide. 

“Robbie?” he said incredulously.

Robbie’s fingers twitched, curling slightly against Sportacus’ back. It was getting harder to deny how stupid he was when he was left alone. He couldn't even say why he'd done what he'd done earlier. It had just seemed right at the time.

Sportacus radiated reluctance and nervous energy from every part of his body, his brow furrowed with some kind of internal struggle Robbie could only guess at. Robbie didn't want to have to be rescued again. Consequences be damned, his image had already been ruined a hundred times over. The indignity was worth it.

In for a penny, in for a pound.

“Let me go _with_ you, Sportaflop! I didn’t - didn’t know too much football made you deaf, but that shows what I -”

Sportacus laughed, pulling back from Robbie with a soft pat on the shoulder. Robbie could still see the edges of shock in his expression but Sportacus was doing a damn good job hiding them. For him, at the very least. “Alright, Robbie. Can you stand?”

“Of _course_ I can stand,”  Robbie said, pushing himself up onto his feet. His legs were trembling weakly under his own weight as he rose, joints clicking stiffly, but he managed to get himself vertical. He gave Sportacus a smirk he hoped looked genuine enough, folding his arms impatiently.

“I’m not an infant,” Robbie continued, taking one overly exaggerated step, “I can -”

His knees gave way under him. Sportacus caught him before he could fall so much as an inch, the corners of his lips twitching with a faint smile. Robbie let out a long-suffering sigh and slumped his shoulders, staring exasperatedly up at the ceiling. It was just his luck that Sportacus had reflexes. Part of him would rather have just fallen over.

Sportacus glanced down at the crystal, his faint smile quickly fading. “I think I’ll be carrying you.”

Robbie jolted, his eyes widening. “You will be _what_ -”

Sportacus quickly threw an arm around Robbie's shoulder, squeezing it encouragingly. "Are you ready?"

Robbie groaned, slumping into Sportacus' side. Sportacus didn't even seem to notice the extra weight. 

"I hope you know this is completely humiliating," Robbie mumbled, bracing himself with one arm around Sportacus' back. 

A smile quirked at the edge of Sportacus' mouth. In the new light cast on him Robbie could swear he could see a faint wetness in his eyes, but Sportacus blinked and it was gone. "It's not the first time I've carried you, Robbie."

_"Don't remind me."_

* * *

 

Robbie had often wondered how exactly the children managed to get themselves in such incredible amounts of trouble even when he wasn't around to cause any of it. Pixel's hovercraft had been careening around town at such a speed it had taken Sportacus actual _effort_ to stop it. Robbie couldn't remember the last time one of his own plans had caused the same effect. Most of the tricks in his book he was just repeating when he thought Sportacus must have forgotten them.

The motor of the hovercraft was still running even with Sportacus pinning it to the ground with one foot. Pixel tumbled out and onto the path, just barely finding his footing. He dusted himself off, adjusting his crooked visor. 

Pixel glanced up at Sportacus, his mouth opening to speak, but his gaze slid past Sportacus and directly onto Robbie's place just beside him.

"Thanks, Sportacus," Pixel said, his gaze flicking quickly between the two. The hovercraft was whining so loudly Robbie could barely hear him over the din, the juddering movement of it trying to escape causing it to slam against Sportacus' ankle over and over. Robbie caught the wince with each impact and sighed, raking a hand through his hair. 

Sportacus smiled broadly. "No problem, Pixel. Just be more careful next time, alright?"

Robbie crouched down, flicking a small lever on the underside of the hovercraft's console. The whole thing shuddered to a halt, the loud whirring of gears fading out into silence.

"Did you forget to install a brake pedal?" Robbie said, pressing experimentally on the lone pedal. With the engine off it didn't move, but Robbie could tell this wasn't meant to to be a brake.

"I had a button for it, but..." Pixel said, opening a fist to reveal a small orange button connected to a few loose wires. Robbie snorted.

"Use a pedal next time. Buttons don't stay stuck," Robbie continued, straightening up to standing. His joints creaked and he could feel them start to buckle, but he managed to lock them in place before they could give way. "Trust me."

"O- okay?" Pixel said sheepishly, wringing his hands. "Thanks Robbie."

 "Some of us like the peace and quiet. Isn't that right Sportacus?"

Sportacus jolted as if he had suddenly been electrocuted, nodding automatically. He was standing so stiffly it looked unnatural. Like he was a cardboard cut-out.

Pixel looked even more confused by the second, his fingers fidgeting with the edge of his shirt. He reached over the console and pressed a bright blue button, the hovercraft deflating until it was little more than what looked like a tarp attached to a keyboard. He tucked it quickly into his backpack, his vision darting between Robbie and Sportacus.

"I'm going to... go now," Pixel said, reluctantly. "Bye, Sportacus. Robbie."

Robbie raised an eyebrow. "Shoo."

Sportacus suddenly started, turning his head to smile encouragingly at Pixel again. It seemed more like an automatic response than anything else. Robbie could see it didn't quite reach his eyes.

"It was a good machine," Sportacus said. "Try again, Pixel."

Pixel gave a quick thumbs up before walking away, moving just a little too fast for it to look casual. Sportacus watched him go, keeping the same smile plastered on his face. 

It didn't take a genius to tell that the kid knew something was the matter. Robbie couldn't only hope he wouldn't go blathering to all his friends.

That was the last thing Robbie needed.

The moment Pixel was out of earshot Sportacus let out a harsh breath, staring down at his hands. It was strange to see him so still, but it seemed to happen more and more often. The more Robbie talked to him the lazier he got. How appropriate. 

Robbie slumped down on the nearest bench, his muscles burning with the effort he'd expended to stay upright. Static swirled at the edges of his vision. He covered his eyes with one hand until it faded, letting out a sharp breath.

Sportacus sat down beside him, just close enough that Robbie could feel his furnace warmth. Robbie didn't know what to say. Didn't know what to think. He'd helped his supposed worst enemy and he wasn't even surprised by it.

He just felt a strange longing for Sportacus to put his arms around him again. He looked away, staring pointedly at a crack in the brickwork of the path.

“Did he hurt the children, Robbie?” Sportacus said, the words coming out like they’d been welling up behind a dam for too long.

Robbie's breath caught in his throat and he stopped the unconscious, incessant tapping of his foot, screwing his eyes shut for a moment. He could feel Sportacus watching him even without being able to see it. There was a weight to it, but a kind one. Like a soft breeze against his skin.

It was far too pleasant for what it represented.

He knew he didn't want to talk. He wasn't good at talking about things that mattered to him. But there was some part of him that had wanted to for a long time, and that was the part that kept coming back. Reminding Robbie it wasn't going anywhere. That it hadn't gone even after what had happened with Milford.

He opened his mouth to speak and hesitated for a moment. He felt the vice-like tension forming around his heart and knew he needed to get the words out before it squeezed. Even if he had to force them. Even if he hated himself afterwards. 

He likely would.

"I shouldn't have asked," Sportacus said, breaking the silence. He put a gentle hand on Robbie's shoulder. "I'm sorry. Let's get you home -"

Robbie opened his eyes and sighed, rubbing at his forehead. “No. He didn’t.”

 

* * *

 

_Robbie hadn’t ever really felt the urge to actually leave the house for a long time._

_Long time being relative. It felt like a long time, but in reality he couldn’t remember what day of the week it was. He normally had an internal clock so sharp he knew the time even without a clock to prompt him,_

_Time came along when Agnarr brought food down, just enough that Robbie wouldn’t starve, and no sooner. Agnarr didn’t tell him the date, and Robbie wasn’t ever going to ask. It wasn't worth what it might set off._

_Pain came to him whether he left his bunker or didn’t, and one came with him having to climb up a ladder and walk to it. But, try as he might, he couldn’t stop wanting to go out. Some part of him missed the flower-scent of Lazytown’s streets, the distant laughter of the children, and he couldn’t cut that part of him away. He couldn't stop wishing that he'd just stayed in line and never known. Couldn't stop wishing, selfishly, that someone else had been the scapegoat._

_He was a screw-up no matter how he looked at it._

_Robbie's limp hadn't gotten much better despite how he'd been trying to tend to it, so the climb up his ladder and the subsequent walk through town were frustratingly slow. His knee wobbled under him with every step._

_He didn't exactly have a plan for what he was trying to do. He just needed to do something. Anything. He had never thought he would hate being alone so much._

_Agnarr was never subtle about his presence unless he was already angry, so at the very least Robbie didn’t have to watch for every twig he could snap underfoot._

_"Ow," Robbie heard a high pitched voice say, followed by a sharp intake of breath. Robbie flinched, ducking into one of the small alleys between the houses._

_"Have you been injured?" Agnarr 's voice said. His voice was close, too close, and Robbie's back slid down the wall before he could stop it. His hand covered his mouth as if it could stifle even his breathing._

_"I skinned my knee," the high pitched voice said. Robbie was sure he should remember who it belonged to, but he just didn't. All the children's names had blurred together in his mind._

_Robbie took a deep breath and peeked past the wall, barely letting more than one eye further than the edge. His heartbeat drummed hard and fast in his head._

_“It’s alright, Peggy,” Agnarr said. He was knelt down, delicately wrapping the bandage around the child’s knee. He finished it off with a small bow, looking up at her with a smile so genuine and soft it made Robbie feel sick. “You really need to be more careful.”_

_“Okay, Mister Nine,” Peggy said, tugging her long socks back up over the bandage. “Can I keep playing soccer now?”_

_Agnarr held out his hand and helped her up, taking a moment to ruffle her dark curly hair. She laughed, swatting his hand away._

_“You can do whatever you like. Just be careful, alright? I don’t want anyone getting hurt.”_

_Two of the other children rounded one of the low walls and smiled, one grabbing Peggy's hand. The other looked up at Agnarr with open adoration and started talking, saying something Robbie's mind was too muddled to comprehend, and the four of them left together in what felt like slow motion. Every step seemed to take an age._

_Robbie felt something welling up in his chest and he ducked fully back behind the wall, pressing his back against the brick hard enough to hurt._ _Something inside him bent out of shape, like a joint popping out of place, and he knew he wouldn't be able to wrench it back into alignment._

_There had been some part of him that had thought that at least he'd been the main one who'd been living with this, and that maybe Agnarr was more lenient with the children._

_But no one else was suffering._ _Everyone else was seeing another Agnarr._

_Ever since that day on the airship he'd had the thought in the back of his mind but he'd never felt it be hammered so far into him. Everyone else in town was living with an angel. One who bandaged their wounds and righted their wrongs and would never, ever hurt them. A hero._

_Robbie's head started to pound and he clutched at it with one shaking hand._

_The worst part was that he wanted that. He wanted to have someone care about him. It didn't matter who. It didn't matter if it was_ Agnarr. _What had he done wrong? Where had he fucked up so bad that he was the one who just got left behind, over and over again?_

_The feeling inside him bubbled over and his chest started heaving, tears welling up in his eyes before he could blink them away. He buried his face in his hands, letting out a low sob._

_He knew he'd be found. He knew it. But his body wouldn't let him move._

_It wasn't until Agnarr came back, his blue eyes gone from warm and bright and sweet to cold as the Arctic sea, that he could._

* * *

 

When Robbie came fully back to himself, the words spilling from his mouth trailing off into silence, he was met with Sportacus' wide eyes and tear-stained cheeks. He recoiled slightly, his back pressing into the bench's armrest.

He couldn't remember exactly what he'd said. It had all come out in a rush, in one burst of information that left his head spinning.

His chest felt hollow. He wasn't sure if it was in a good way or not.

"What?" Robbie said.

"I care about you," Sportacus said, his voice soft and pitchy. "If that means anything to you."

Robbie hesitated. "I don't know."

"It's the truth," Sportacus said insistently. He placed his hand over Robbie's. "I promise. I'm so sorry, Robbie. I wish I could do more."

Robbie let out a shaky sigh, staring down at where their hands touched. Some part of him wanted to retract his, but he felt so tired he couldn't bear to move it. The warmth was nice against the autumn chill, he supposed.

"You already are," Robbie mumbled. "Sportaflop."

Sportacus' eyes lit up and he smiled, his brow still soft with sadness. Robbie felt regret well up inside him at having to see that expression on Sportacus' face, but he forced it down. Sportacus had wanted to feel the way he did. Ulterior motive or not, it was his choice. There was no reason to feel bad.

That didn't stop Robbie's chest from aching.

"That's all I want to do, Robbie," Sportacus said, his eyes wet. "That's all."

Robbie opened his mouth to respond but found he didn't have anything to say. He took a shaky breath, clutching white-knuckled onto the edge of the bench.

Sportacus smiled again, genuinely, and it made the ache grow tenfold. "Thank you for letting me."


End file.
